Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas all.  Its been a quiet day today.  Yesterday Stephen and Holli and Jim (the kids Dad) were here for dinner.  Kristin worked like crazy to pull the dinner together.  I helped her with the turkey, potatoes and mac and cheese.  She did the rest.  She wanted to try cooking the turkey in the crockpot.  Now it was a 10 lb. turkey breast.  It fit in the pot, but still sat 1" too high.  I took out my electric knife and went at it like a ninja carving it raw to make sure it fit in the pot.  Did it!  Had to put my planner on top to keep the lid on.

Holli showed up with pies.  It was a good dinner.  I have been struggling over the past few days trying to get rid of the infection in my neck.  Oh yes . . . not life threatening, just an infection.  One that hurts like heck.  I'm on antibiotic and pain meds.

I've been drifting in and out of sleep for three days.  I didn't even try to make it to church this AM.  Woke up at 10 and went back to sleep at 1 and woke up at 6 tonight.  I am hoping this thing will go away soon!

Bummer

Sitting here listening to Christmas music.  I have Il Divo playing right now.  Love their music.  Brings such a spirit to me to listen to beautiful music.

Last night I remembered that the title company called yesterday morning.  Couldn't remember a word of the conversation, I'd been asleep, but remembered saying they were acting fast.  Don't know if I should call them back and admit or maybe it might have been just a call saying they were handling things.

Steve's been sick for about a week now and has missed three days of work and I've been having an ear ache and pain on the left side of my face and a swollen lymph node.  He and I went to the doctor this morning and they put him on antibiotics.  My doctor wasn't available so they had me see another doctor - a young doctor.  She looked in my ear, looked in my mouth, had me make funny faces and said she wanted me to see an ENT.  So much for an ear infection.  She said I had a bump under my tongue.  So I have an appointment tomorrow to see an ENT.  Its funny how my mind works.  Within 30 minutes of seeing her, in my mind I had figured out how Steve would be able to go on after I passed on.  I'm nuts sometimes.

So hard to believe Christmas is just 3 days off - even harder to realize there's only a little over a week left to 2010.  Hopefully 2011 will be a better year.

Anyway took Sue to Target and while she shopped we filled Steve's prescriptions and waited for her eating popcorn and drinking soda at Starbucks in the store.

Can't believe we are so close to Christmas.

Great Weekend

Wonderful weekend - actually a fun weekend for me.  Poor Steve has been so sick he didn't get much out of it other than sleep.

A cute couple from our ward showed up singing carols for us.  I didn't manage to catch a picture of them.  Kristin had my camera in her purse, but I grabbed a copy of them off of Facebook.  (Thanks Rebecca)

Kristin came in town for her friend's wedding.  I'm anxious to get a copy of the pictures of her.  It was too cute and she was miserable.  She thought the dress was ugly (red brocade), it was short and she was nervous about bending at all, and she had to wear her cowboy boots with it.  She got up really early the morning of the wedding to get her hair done and didn't like the way it was done.  All in all it wasn't a happy experience for her.

However, she was way too excited.  She finally let her Altima go to rest.  She'd been driving it since she returned from her church mission nearly 12 years ago.  It had nearly 200000 miles on it.  The motor mounts were shot and the shocks were gone.  The mechanic said there were just too many problems with it.  Alot of the parts in the engine were rusted.  She mourned losing that car (seriously?)  So the day of the wedding she bought her a new car before driving home and made it to the wedding rehearsal with about 15 minutes to spare.

Saturday was just way too busy.  We took Sue to Irving to take her granddaughter's stuff to her daughter's house, came back and went to Albertson's to get the makings of sausage balls for the ward Christmas party, picked up an order of 40# of chicken breasts; came home and made sausage balls; delivered to the church for the party; came home and froze the chicken; and finally did my dialysis treatment.  Wore out completely!

Sunday morning had a horrible time just getting out of bed.  I did make it to Relief Society though and really enjoyed the lesson on gifts of the Spirit.  Thanks Margaret.

Boy, Things Change Don't They?

Had to go get my epo shot this morning, stopped at the post office to mail the bridesmaid dress Kristin left here, and then went to the post office, made a bank deposit, and then took Benson for a walk.  Whew . .

Oh yes, speaking of bridesmaid dresses.  Funny story.  Kristin had gone to her friend's bridal shower.  They had scheduled a  "pole dancing" class as part of the shower.  Kristin didn't go, she didn't feel comfortable with it.  I was confused.  I said "they actually have classes to teach pole dancing?"  I was thinking about when I was growing up and they taught us how to dance around the maypole.

Wrong pole dancing.

 I shared the story with my nurse this morning and she got a big kick out of it.  Laughed and Laughed.

Thanksgiving 2010 and Beyond

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my son and daughter-in-law's house.  We had a lot of family there and enjoyed spending time with each other.

Kristin's car broke down.  She's driven that Nissan for eleven years now and has an emotional attachment to that car.  It has

over 180,000 miles on it and still runs but the

motor mounts are shot, the struts are shot and

the mechanic said there were so many other things it would

be costly to repair.  So she's keeping it and just

using it to get to church and groceries and

will rent a car when she needs to come home.  Public

transit is awesome where she is so she really

doesn't need a car to get around there.  We drove her back home Saturday night after Steve got off work and then came back yesterday morning.  It was a crazy weekend but was worth

every minute of it.

I love my family  . . .

Over the past couple of days I've been thinking alot about goals

for next year.  I really want to be a better person than I am and sometimes I just flat get lazy and don't do the things I should.  I want to change that and focus on the things that really matter most and not get lost in the rest.

Remembering When

There are so many things we take for granted in our life.  Every once in awhile we need to stop and remember it is only by the grace of God we have them in our life.  The coolness of an air conditioner in summer and the warmth of a heater in winter; a washing machine - as I am washing my clothes right now and not in a bath tub or a sink; transportation to take me to the store or church or whatever (even though I don't have it all the time any more, I still have it); food on the table; clean water to drink and help me with my dialysis; a wonderful family; good friends; and the gospel.  Oh yes - dialysis - it allows me to live.  So thank you NxStage for giving me my kidney and thank you Heavenly Father for giving the guidance and inspiration to create such a machine.

I was reading an article on line yesterday out of the CNN news site and it was on a man with dialysis.  They over dramatize those things so much.  The article made kidney disease sound like a death sentence.  Its not.  Maybe if you're 80 something and in poor health - but there are so many options now to keep you alive.  I like doing dialysis at home because it gives me more energy and the ability to live my life better.

I remember when I was in high school my mother had me take some kind of a test to see if I had poly-cystic kidney disease (PKD); nothing was definitive but they told me to hold on to my lab results to show doctors in the future.  There was a shadow of some kind and they thought there was a chance I might have PKD.  When I was 30 I was having horrible stomach cramps.  They had ran all kinds of tests to see what it could be and one of them was a sonogram.   I remember I was laying on the table when the technician said "Oh, wow"; then excused himself to go get the doctor.  When the doctor came in to look at the monitor he told me I had multiple cysts on my kidneys.  I left feeling numb.

I went to work the next day and the attorney I was working for told my co-workers I had just received a death sentence.  Isn't that funny?  Don't we all have a death sentence the minute we are born?  As one of my friends says "we all have an expiration date."


My husband at that time was so sympathetic - he said, "at least you don't have diabetes".  Kind of funny because now I do and I am on dialysis.  Sometimes when someone finds out I'm on dialysis, they ask if I'm diabetic.  I tell them yes, but that's not why I'm on dialysis.  My kidney disease is genetic.

My mother had PKD, my sister has PKD, I have PKD, my son has PKD.  I can't figure out where it hit before my mother.  I suspect my grandfather because he died in his early 60's from heart disease and it's possible he didn't live long enough to present kidney problems.  Generally speaking PKD is generational, however, every once in a while someone will develop PKD out of no where, but that is highly unusual.

I'm so grateful technology has improved to the point I can have quality in my life and the ability to do the things I need to do and enjoy my life.

Leaks . . .

Got up a little late yesterday but got my SAK started so I could dialysis last night.

I was getting Steve's lunch ready for him to take to work when I realized Sunday on the way home from taking Kristin to the airport the little yellow light had come on letting me know I was low on gas.  Since Steve gets off too late to put gas in the car I drove him to McKinney for work.  Only problem was, I had a 3:00 hair appointment with my Heidi.  I tried to call her and the number I had for her didn't work.  I left her a note on the door and took off to take him to work.  My hair is looking a little shaggy so I was disappointed.  She can't see me again this week; so I'll just have to make it work for now.

I went visit teaching last night and got to visit my favorite friend, Karen, with another one of my favorite friend's.  Rosilyn brought her really small Yorkie with her and Karen just fell in love with Tas the minute we walked in the door.  She'd like another dog but her husband says no; much to her disappointment.

I was thinking (first mistake) I'd start my treatment when I got home.  I got home and the alarm on the PureFlow was sounding off and I was frustrated.  "What now?"  I had been sure to flush my lines earlier to make sure there would be no problem.  When I got to the PureFlow and opened the door I saw dialysate floating around the SAK and not in it.  I checked my connections and they were secure so it was the SAK that failed.  Rushed back to the supply room and picked up two hanging bag boxes and set the machine up with bags.

Anyway, since all of this was delayed Steve had to wait an hour after he got off work for me to come.  He was so cool about it.  He sat in one of the motorized carts at the store, drank a soda, and read his book.  When we got home he helped me get the fluid out of the PureFlow.  Finally got to bed around 2 this morning.

Crazy, busy, day

Jumped out of bed this morning, threw my clothes on, and drove out to the airport to pickup my daughter at the car rental place.  Drove from there to Arlington to pick up some of her Dad's clothes and car; then stopped to get the car inspected and drove home.  Drove Steve to work and then drove to Stephen's house to drop off all of the stuff left in my car and to talk about disability with Jim.  He was released from the hospital yesterday and is staying at Stephen's house.  Rushed back home and now, whew!!!!  Breathe for a couple of minutes and get my dialysis going.
Busy day. . . but it is beautiful outside.  The trees are changing colors and the breeze is blowing.  Truly beautiful and worth every minute of the rush just to be outside in it.

Spending Time With My Favorite Girl

My daughter flew in for some meeting for work and got to stay overnight at the Galleria.  Lucky thing.  She had a break after she landed and we got to go to lunch.  Our favorite place to eat together is La Madeleine's.  We decided to get together somewhere close to Love Field.  We'd eaten there once before but couldn't remember exactly where it was.  I started driving and pulled into the one on Preston and ran in to ask where a location was close to where I was going.  He said "Royal Lane, no that's not it, Northwest Highway, maybe . . . wait"  . . another man comes to the counter and says its at Northwest Highway and Midway.  So I call her and we connect.  I love spending time with my kids.  We had a nice lunch and off we went our separate paths.  I've seen her more in the last few months than in years. I love being able to spend time with my family.  They are awesome!

He's always been there

I'm still pondering the questions I was asked last night by the MiaMaids (if that's what they're called now).  I was driving over to meet Kristin earlier today and thoughts came to me remembering so many times he's shown his hand to me and my children.  The list is so long its hard to remember them all.  I remember when I was going through my divorce in the late 80's the time I heard his voice; I remember during that same period when I was just wanting my mother's arms around me and found myself in a classroom sobbing.  In walked Barbara Hammond.  She was a large woman and would have been my mother's age.  Barbara sat down, put her arms around me, and just held me.  I remember on the night my mother died seeing her walk through the room.  When Stephen was a baby and I was trying to nurse him; one morning I woke up and nothing I did would settle him down.  I was tired and emotional and he was frustrated because he was hungry.  There was a knock at the door and when I opened the door an elderly woman was standing there.  She came in held him, fed him formula and I slept.  I just knew everything would be all right.  There has always been someone there when I needed help.  I know God sent them for me.  The list goes on and on, but ultimately, I know God knows me.

Hope on the Horizon - By Greg Olson

This morning my nurse asked me how I knew he knew me.  The past couple of years have been really difficult, however, through it all, I have felt his peace, warmth, and comfort.  I've learned to trust him.  It has always worked out.  Maybe not the way I thought it would or hoped it would, but it has worked.  I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father.

I Can Be Such a Ditz!

Eliza called and asked if I could come to the chapel tonight to be interviewed by the young woman.  I said sure.  Worked at the family history library this morning, got home and packed Steve's lunch, walked the dogs, and when he left . . . I settled in and put on my absolute favorite things . . my pink flannel pj's.  About 7:20 the phone rang . . it was Eliza . . "Sister Kerr, are you still coming to the chapel?"  Oops!!!  I didn't have a car and was in my pj's.  As I quickly threw on different clothes; I was calling like crazy to catch a ride to the chapel.  Thanks Geniel!  It was a good experience though.  They are beautiful young women and were asking questions I didn't have answers for without some thought.  It was a good opportunity.  Embarrassing for forgetting, but good.

Caught up on my laundry tonight.  Clean sheets.  I love it.  Why do I deny myself some of the little things I love most.  I need to do a better job of taking care of me.

Remarkable Family

This has been a challenging month for our family.  My children's father wound up hospitalized for multiple reasons, but regardless, it has been a time of growth and challenge and stress for them.  I stand awed at the strength I have seen in them and am proud of them and comforted to know they can step in and do what is required.  Also amazing to me is my dear Steve.  How many men would go to their wife's ex-husband's apartment and help cleanup.  We all found Jim had been hoarding things.  My kids (Stephen, Kristin, and Holli) all went over and cleaned up his apartment.  It's been a monumental task, but there were several large black bags of trash hauled out and Steve was right there helping.  He amazes me.

I just watched "Nie-Nie's" "New Life" video on Mormon messages.  She's an amazing woman.  I think I lose my view of who I am sometimes and need to remember I am a daughter of God and he knows me.

During dialysis last night I started throwing up.  I don't know if it was a virus or something I ate, but it was miserable.  Fortunately Sue was here and helped me and when Steve got home he cleaned things up.  I crawled into bed and Steve gave me a blessing.  I feel much better today.

Got up this morning and took my shower, ate a bagel, and took the dogs for a walk.

Today is Steve's 61st birthday.  We are getting older.