Helen

We buried Helen this morning. Steve left the house before me and went over to view Helen before they buried her. When I got there, the Caskeys came, a membership of Garland 4th's bishopric was there (Brother Haskin), and President and Sister Kennedy. It was peaceful and spiritual. Steve dedicated her grave. We left there and got a bite to eat, came home and took a walk, and he is napping. I'm trying to pull things back into some form of order. Everything has gotten so chaotic over the past few weeks.

Steve's Mom

On the 31st of January we received a call from hospice saying that Steve's mother had taken a turn for the worst. It was kind of a crazy day in that Steve's sister, Peggy, had plans to fly in anyway and my sister flew in also for her MBA graduation ceremony. I picked my sister up at Love Field and went straight to Mayberry Gardens to check on Helen. From that day until today, my life has revolved around her and her 11x12 room. I watched her deteriorate and shrivel to nothing of her former self. It appears she most likely had a stroke and she could no longer swallow. According to her living will, no feeding tubes and no iv's to keep her alive.

She went for 18 days without food or water. She finally passed this morning at 1:30. Steve and I went straight over to Mayberry and were there until the funeral home picked her up at 4:00 a.m. I went over to Sparkman Funeral Home at 9:00 a.m. with Karen and we dressed her. I went into work mode and Steve and I emptied out her room this afternoon.

She is being buried tomorrow morning and we will have a memorial service for her in March when Steve's sister returns from Cuba.

It was awful watching her waste away. By today she didn't have an ounce of fat left on her - not anywhere. Her arms were as thin as my wrist. A long way from a woman who struggled with being overweight most of her life. She was a fighter though. Who would have ever thought she would have gone for as long as she did and would have died this way. Never in a million years would I have thought she would.

I struggled through this and kept trying to make sense of it, prayed to understand it, and finally realized it was between her and God and I didn't need to know the answers - he did and I'm sure by now, she does.

Someone asked me today if I felt like I'd had 800 pounds lifted off my shoulders, and I'd have to say no. Its too early to feel anything but numb.

President Gerrard came by tonight and brought flowers from the presidency. What a neat man he is.

Another fall

What a day ... we were busier than all get out ... many at the temple today.
Took another fall today ... scared me, but no major damage. I am sore all over though. Just tripped over my own two feet.

Spoke to Kristin on the way home today and she said they had their tubing trip on youtube. Here's the link if anyone wants to see . http://youtube.com/watch?v=4RFVlpznx1c

Utah

The temple was closed for two weeks. I worked through most of it, but did take a couple of days off for Steve and I to fly to Utah to see Kristin. Steve went up to get her basement wired. She had it framed before we got there. Its beginning to look like rooms. He still has to go back and put a few more cans in.

It was good spending time with her and my sister drove into Provo to spend time with us on Saturday.

I went to church with Kristin on Sunday. When I walked into Relief Society and saw this room full of beautiful young women, all trying to do what they should, it was an awesome feeling. Kristin said she wondered the first time she'd walked in what the problem was. So many women and all unmarried.

When I went into sacrament it was really different. No noise! I'm so used to hearing kids and babies. Totally different in this singles ward.

We flew back Sunday night. Got to the airport by the skin of our noses. They had to open the door of the plane to get us on.

This week I've started taking DART to work. Joan, one of the girls I work with, picks me up at the station on her way into work. Its working well ... except for t oday. I couldn't find my fare this morning and told them not to pick me up. Got to work and found it in my wallet ... I couldn't see it for anything. More next time.

Kidney Transplant

Went this week to the Dallas Transplant Institute for testing. The majority of the testing was today and was pretty intensive. I left feeling totally overwhelmed. The biggest challenge is finance. The cost of the anti-rejection medication is staggering and I find myself wondering if it will really be worth it and if we would be able to support it.

The last year was pretty difficult. Three hospital stays and then in December, Steve's truck was totalled. We bought him a new one on 12/31 and then find out this week that the insurance didn't cover the entire payoff on the vehicle. I was dumbfounded. So the news today wasn't great.

Without insurance, we would never be able to do this at all. It would be easier if we were destitute or of a lower income bracket. The government would pay the majority of it. Eventually, Medicaid will chip in ... the first month after the transplant though would be a kick in the pants.

I'm back

Wow . . . its good to be home. I feel so blessed. So many have watched over me.
Kristin flies in today and will spend a week with me.

An OT came today to see me. Found out I was LDS and was very excited. Gave him my copy of the Ensign on temples.

Sunday, 18 November

So - talk is cheap - let me see if my beliefs and actions match my words.

Thursday night on my way home I took a fall. Landed in the ER with a broken wrist and a break in the other arm. I'll need surgery for my wrist.

I"m going to exercise faith and trust the Lord will carry me through this.

In a talk by Elder Bednar in Russia he said "This changes everything. Give me the strength to endure my adversity. Let me learn from my illness, if that is what thou wilt have me do. Not as I will, but thy will be done. Do so to become more like Christ. Enduring to the end is not so much getting through adversity as it is becoming more like Christ. (My thoughts)Did the answer to pray come early? No. How arrogant it is to blame God, when the answer does not arrive on our timetable. This is a lesson to learn for eternity. I will bless you with patience and strength.In the depths of our adversity, we may cry out that no one understands us. But that is not true. There is One who does…even Jesus Christ. He has suffered not only for your sins, but for your afflictions and your illness. He does understand!! There is no loneliness with Christ in our lives. This is the strengthening power of the atonement. It is available to every member of the church."

So I will endure and hope this experience will make me more like Christ. I am so thankful for the support of my husband and friends.

Family Search

Got word today that we are 90 days out of from starting the new FamilySearch in this area. Don Smith received an email and they were also announcing it in meetings this afternoon. Very exciting news.

Another work week has past. Hard to believe how quickly times is flying .. scary really.

Its Friday!

Wow ... I can't believe this week has gone by so fast. I guess its because I've been kept hopping at work. President Yorke said its like ducks skimming across the water while the whole time our feet are going like crazy under the water.

Kristin's in Tokoyo today and off to Korea and then on to Hawaii. I got the neatest picture from her. She said its some day of blessing for children in Japana today and this little girl is dressed in a komono.

Woke up this morning and we had a major plumbing meltdown. Water backed up in both tubs, and the toilets wouldn't flush. When I ran water anywhere, it bubbled in the toilet. I rushed home from work this afternoon to meet a plumber and he cleared it.

Sometimes I wonder if apartment living wouldn't be better.

Sunday - a day of rest?

I love my Sundays. After working all week, I come home dead tired Saturday night. The time zone changed this weekend and I woke up new time yesterday 7:00 a.m. I thought this is nuts . . . go back to sleep, but did I? No ... I got up took the dogs for a nice walk, came back, ate breakfast, and got Steve up. We hurried off to church.

I love the lessons by Barbara Butcher in Sunday School. They are full of so much meat. She does a remarkable job. We're studying the New Testament.

Played the piano in Relief Society. Geniel Crandall taught the lesson.

My gray hair seems to be a hit. If I'd known it would be so accepted, I probably would have grown it out a long time ago.

I indexed slave names from the 1850 census yesterday. It really caused for reflection. There was a 2month old baby boy listed as a slave ... sobering. I'm so glad we aren't where we were at that time in history.

End of another week at work

End of another week - whew! New bosses this week. The transition just flat wore me out. I came home every night just exhausted.

I have managed to keep up with my exercising ... I showed Joan my new arm muscles today and she showed me hers and said "I don't have to do all that stuff you do to get mine!" Pow! I just wanted to pop her one ... not really. Its frustrating that I have to work so hard though for such little things.

I went by to see Helen at Mayberry today ... she just sits there very blank with very little to say and finds it hard to say anything at all. I keep wondering if its the meds or if its just the alzheimers.

I've done some organizing on my family history this week, but need to get back to entering it. I'll be able to do that tomorrow.

A Matter of Fax and Paypal

So ... I've heard nothing from the company I bought my toner cartridge from. After 48 hours I accelerated the claim on paypal and they came back and said that their claims don't cover damaged items or items that were not as they were supposed to be - only shipping. What a waste.

Worked on 2008 scheduling at work today.

Need to look up wiki and figure that out. My sister told me about. Something new to learn.