TESTIMONY

I spent the better part of the day yesterday watching a video series on BYU tv.  Messiah: the Lamb of God.
May I say first and foremost the series is awesome and give lots of room for thought.  www.byutv.org/Messiah

The has been a really good week for me.  Tuesday morning I was at the temple working on family file names.  Wednesday morning I was working on my genealogy and found some great sources.

This morning I did my dialysis treatment early and read scriptures and resource materials.  In general a very good day.

In the last episode I watched yesterday they encouraged us to bear our testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ.  I do believe he is Jesus the Christ - the son of God.  I believe he came to earth and took upon himself all of our sins.  I do believe he died and was resurrected; and because of Him, we will be resurrected also.   I have a great sense of gratitude for the price he paid for us so that we might return home when we pass from this life.

I am learning to trust Him more and more.  Sometimes I try to take things back and fix things for myself.  I spent two years trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage after I started dialysis.  We sold my husband's truck, cancelled the cable, cut down on our cell phone plan, took no trips, didn't eat out, packed Steve's lunches and managed with the help of God and many were able to keep the mortgage current during the time we tried for the modification and were turned down because we kept things current.  So . . .  I filed for a refinance and thought it would be no problem.  It has been a problem and so I stepped into my I need to fix this and kept calling probably to the point of being a pest.  Yesterday I realized I had done all I could possibly do and the couldn't do another thing.  I took it to the Lord and prayer and have turned it over to Him.

Some Days Are Just Days - Nothing Spectacular

The past few days have just been hum drum.  Nothing spectacular.  Church was good yesterday.  I thoroughly enjoyed the service.  Leadership changes in the women's organization.  Came home, rested, walked the dog, fixed dinner, and cleaned up.  Did my treatment.

Saturday pretty much the same except of course for church.  Oh but wait, I did get the laundry done!

I  also did the FlyLady thing and had a shiny sink when I went to bed.  That was good.

I think the trick must be to just be grateful to have the days and maybe, just maybe, its good to not have anything spectacular happening.  

Elder Neal A. Maxwell: Hope through the Atonement of Christ

I always loved Elder Maxwell and missed him when he passed.  It was nice to find this video today and hear his comforting words.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell: Hope through the Atonement of Christ

On A Thread

Life is so short and sometimes we just take it for granted.  It throws it punches and we fall and can either get up or just lay there and do nothing.  I was listening to a program on www.mormon.org yesterday about a family, the Christensen's, who had four children and every one of them had "Congenital Muscular Dystrophy".  After each pregnancy they were told they had a one in four chance of their child having the condition and after much prayer and fasting would decide to try again.  They loved and supported each one of their children and delighted in their accomplishments - and they did accomplish.  They spent alot of the time in the hospital with them, but when they were out of the hospital, they lived. They have lost two of the four children.  I was amazed at their strength and resilience.

We have an older couple in our ward.  I sat behind them at church yesterday.  He's had skin cancer for a number of years and has had many surgeries for it.  They have continued for years to serve and in very busy capacities.  They served over at the welfare center in strenuous jobs.  They've both served at the temple a couple of times a week for years.  They are such an example to me.  I noticed he's getting frail and it makes me sad.  It was so sweet - after all of these years together, he had his arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder.  It made me just want to melt.

I worked with a woman at the temple several years ago who had breast cancer.  Nancy was cancer free for four years and went in for reconstructive surgery.  Less than a year later the cancer was back.  Nancy fought  and with the fight won back one of her son's, but not her health.  One day she had determined it was her time to die.  She showed up at the temple with all of her family; went on an endowment session; did some sealings; went home and ate with her family; said her goodbyes to her family and went to bed.  Much to her surprise, she was still here the next morning.  This replayed a couple of different times before she actually died.  She fought valiantly and was at the temple performing service for as long as she could physically go.  I was impressed with her but also learned another lesson.  The Lord will take you when he's going to bring you home and not before or after.

A few years ago I had my challenges  . . .  I went through three bouts of sepsis.  Each one of them severe;  but he didn't.bring me home.  At the time I had decided he'd left me here because of my family, but I've learned I'm just not as smart as God is and he knows the reasons I'm here.  I can just make the most of my life day by day.  I try and sometimes I'm less productive than I wish I was, but I do try.

We're all here hanging by a thread.  None of us know when we're going home, but we will be going sometime.  The important thing is to live our lives the best we can and just trust in God's purposes.  A lady told me several years ago "the battle is already won, what matters is where we are standing".  I hope I'm always standing on holy ground and will stand approved when he brings me home.

One Really Good Man

My dear husband, my son, and my ex-husband left my house yesterday and drove an hour to get to my ex's apartment yesterday.  Eleven hours later they returned.  They spent the day loading boxes from the apartment onto a trailer.  My daughter had agonized and struggled last week to try and sell her dad's washer and dryer to no avail; one of the neighbors bought it yesterday.  Apparently her Dad saw someone carrying clothes to the laundry and approached them.  They bought them immediately.

My son struggled with the trailer and in the effort of backing it up blew the lights out on the u-haul trailer. They called U-Haul and they said it would be an hour before they could get there.  My husband got out his tools, got the trailer fixed, and they were about to leave when the U-Haul guy got there.

They were all exhausted by the time they drove my dear husband at home.  What an amazing guy.  I'm so lucky to be married to him.

Out in the Light

My family has been devastated by pornography.  Twenty-six years ago I was divorced because of pornography.  My first husband's life was horrible growing up.  It reads like something out of a horror movie and I'm sure it felt like it was to him, his brother, and his sisters.  The scars of this devastated his soul and he turned to pornography to medicate himself.  This past month has been turned upside down because of his pornography use over many years and the damage it has caused him.  He's had to move in with my son and his wife.  The courage and strength they are showing in taking care of him now is of great magnitude.  So many I've spoken to over the years have thought it is no big deal.  I'm here to say it is and there is a growing sickness of it spreading even to our youngest. Its even thrown in our faces at times when we think we are safe.  I can't how many times I've seen Victoria Secret's Angels being shown in a commercial during what used to be called "family hour" on television.

Anyway, I found this website earlier tonight and it is so full of information for those who are struggling with pornography themselves or for their loved ones and families who are struggling with the ripple effect it is causing in their own lives.  I have put their button on my page.  It is a good resource.  www.outinthelight.com

He's Coming Home!

I really thought Benson was just sulking because Pepe had been here too long.  By Sunday night I knew he was in trouble when he'd let me hold him; usually Benson will sit until he's had enough and jump, but not this time.  He was miserable.  I got him over to Dr. Hanks office first thing Monday morning.  They ran labs and he had pancreatis.  He was a sick little dog in serious trouble.  It was a scary couple of days.  I am so grateful for Dr Hanks.  She worked hard on him and we get to bring him home today!

I got emotional yesterday and was speaking to my daughter.  Her boss told her it was o.k. to get mad at God.  She's had a rough time of it with all of the stuff going with her Dad and life not working out the way she'd hoped it would.  We spoke about it last night and she said "what point is there in getting mad at God?"  I have learned that the trials bring me strength and make me a much better person than I was; so why be mad at God?  Of all of the miracles in my life, the greatest is what he's been able to do with me.

I need to remember I am many things - a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend; but most especially a daughter of God and I am grateful to him for my life, my children, my husband, my faith, and my trust in Him . . . and today for being able to bring Benson home.

January 2011 - A Fresh Start

2011 - I can hardly believe it.  New Years Eve was quiet here.  Watched tv and climbed into bed just in time to kiss 2010 goodbye.  I am hopeful for this year.  There is so much potential and a clean fresh start.

Sometimes I'm really not sure why things have to be the way they are and just when I start to grumble, the Lord humbles me and reminds me he is in control and there is a reason.

There's been a lot of commotion in our lives this past month  - still lots going on with the kids Dad, Sue living with us and all of its accompanying challenges.  Day before yesterday I got a little emotional and informed the Lord I really needed a break in it all.

Last night I was trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.  I really didn't feel like cooking and my good friend had brought over some great soup last week when I couldn't eat.  I was finally able to start eating on Thursday and thought it would be good idea.   By the way - the soup was great.  But, I also forgot I had to do my dialysis last night.  Dialysis and salt are not friends.  If I'd only eaten half of the box, I'd of probably been fine, but I thought the whole box was one serving; it was two.  About 1000 grams of salt in the box and added crackers to it.  So . . . when I realized I had to do my treatment last night I knew I had to make adjustments.  I tried, but about 30 minutes before the treatment was over I started cramping something awful in my legs.  I called for Sue and in the short time it took for her to get up here I was shaking and was throwing up.  I was so grateful to have her here last night - she helped me through it.

This morning at church it was fast and testimony meeting.  I got up for the first time in sometime and was overcome and cried.  I felt like I'd been called to repentance in a way from the Lord.  I know she's here and as challenging as it is sometimes, its a good thing.  We help each other don't we all?  I guess thats one of the reasons we are here.

Kristin was here for Christmas and spent most of her time cleaning out her Dad's apartment.  We babysat her dog.  Benson has really struggled with his presence here and hopefully will do better now that he is gone.  Kristin and Pepe left tonight.

I love my children.  They are incredible and are so strong.