Update

Church was good today. I felt lifted by the time I got home.

Its been a quiet afternoon. I read from one of Elder Maxwell's books on Discipleship, did some indexing on two records, and played some Mah Jong.

Took the dogs for a walk before and after church.

We ate dinner and I'm getting ready to get ready for bed. Its been a good day. Its nice to be able to have time to do things to be ready. I can't remember another Sunday when I have felt better prepared for the Sabbath and not completely exhausted to get there.

I actually made it through church without falling asleep, which I have been doing for sometime.

Update

Just finished my second full week of dialysis. Dialysis for me was a whole lot less frightening than the anticipation or expectations. A little skin prick - no problem. I bring my laptop and play Mah Jong and read.

Yesterday my visiting teachers came to see me. Trina and her temporary partner, my good friend, Karen. Dyan Bennett came over at lunch and brought me a salad. It was so neat to have their company and it certainly made the four hours go by faster.

I have more energy than I can remember ever having. Made it 15 minutes this morning on the elliptical ... thats big for me.

Update

Spent Christmas evening with Stephen and Holli. Stephen's Dad joined us. We had a nice dinner and then went to the movie "Bedtime Stories." It was a cute movie.

Wow - its hard to believe but I'll be in Presbyterian Hospital on Monday starting my dialysis. Yikes . . . that's only 2 days away! I can hardly believe how quickly time passes and how much things can change and how fast they change.

I went to volunteer at the temple last night. I'll admit, I was tired and wanted nothing more than to stay home, but when I got there, I was really glad to be there. It was busy and mark is letting me do more than I expected. It was good to see everyone there.

Today I will have lots to do to be ready for Monday morning. Holli and Stephen are driving me to the hospital.

Christmas Eve

Stayed down most of today. My stomach was not doing well. Made it over to get some immodeum.

We rented "Mamma Mia" out of Red Box and enjoyed it. There was one song on it that really hit a soft spot with me "Slipping Through My Fingers". It reminded me of my daughter so strongly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se_LRtq36YA&feature=related

Quiet eveninig at home. Will go to my son's tomorrow.

Update

My lovely daughter is home for weekend . . . yea! . . . I love it when she is here and being able to spend time with her.

Its been a week of surprises and awareness of the Lord's hand in our lives.

Surprises . . . I received notice my disability had been approved and was more than I expected it to be. I received notice from social security yesterday that I had been approved.

My awesome sister sent me a quilt she had made for me. Each block was unique and in the center of each block were uplifting quotes .. . one even had a quote my Dad used to say . . . "there's always a break".

Steve has a friend who is a well known artist and had given him one of his early paintings years ago. (Before we were married). I had taken it to a studio to try and sell it about 13 years ago. We decided a couple of years ago to pick it up and bring it home because he'd not been able to sell it. When we went to the studio we found it had been closed. In spite of leaving several phone messages, we were unable to reach them. A couple of weeks ago I tried again and surprise . . . I had a phone call from him yesterday morning. Of course, I immediately went over and picked the picture up. When Kristin and I got back from the airport, I hid the picture in Kristin's closet. Steve caught me in my surprise though and found the picture.

Anyway, I was greatful the Lord watched over us with this.

A farewell

They had a farewell party for me at work today. Several attended, including the current temple presidency and President and Sister Peterson.

My co-workers had made a quilt for me. . . it is beautiful. Several signed the back of the quilt. What a keepsake.

I felt very loved and there were many tears.

Update

Saw my vascular surgeon today. My fistula is ready to be used for dialysis. I was given a dr. order to start. I will see my nephrologist next week and will be scheduling to get it started. They'll put me in the hospital for three days to get started. I was finally hit with the reality of it all on the way home.

This is my last week at work. Yesterday afternoon was the Christmas social and I felt apart from it all. Gayla is now the secretary and I am no longer. I am blessed to have been there and held that job for the past 13 years. Now a new chapter.

I'm feeling a little melancholy today.

The only constancy in life is change

Church was good today. The primary had their program and the children were wonderful. They made my heart smile. "I am a child of God". We say that, but sometimes we forget. I believe at their age, they remember and we can only hope they never forget.

This past week .... month ... wow. I've trained my replacement at the temple and she officially became the secretary this past Saturday. Gayla Dahl. She is delightful and is very kind and genuine. She'll do great. Sigh . . . The Primary children sang "I'm Going to the Temple" in their program today and I cried. 13 years I've worked there and now, it all changes. I've known for 30++ years my kidneys would fail at some point and now it's here. I'm greatful they gave me this long. Wow, mom died at 40 years old. Here I am coming up on 60.

The Lord has truly watched over me. Even at times when I least deserved his watchful care, he was there. He's protected me, gotten me out of bad situations, and has healed my heart. He's given me a loving companion and two great kids and a wonderful sister, good friends, and extended family. All things that really matter.

I can't really ask for more than that.

Soooo . . . I'll work at the family file desk until the end of November and be there to help Gayla when needed. I'm taking off for most of a week in early November to go see my girl and sister.

All is well . . . all is well.

Dialysis

Saw my nephrologist today. Will start dialysis before the end of the year. My eyes filled with tears and I actually felt a tear running down my cheek. First time since I started going down hill.

Yesterday I had a priesthood blessing by President Dieter Uchtdorff. When I came into the room with him, he is bigger than life. Wow.

Another week

So, I've made it another week. I had my fistula put in last week. So far so good. It still looks ugly, hopefully after seeing the dr. next week, it won't look so bad.

Trying to get everything in order at work, so when its time, it'll be any easy transition for the next person.

Sunday - 17 August 2008

Church was good today. Karen taught in Sunday School and did great, as usual. She talked about the things we need to do to protect ourselves and how we fall into sin a step at a time.

Relief Society Juby taught on Zion.

Wow, my surgery is on Thursday. Today right after Relief Society, Diann Bennett, came up and talked to me. It was the first time in all of this I bordered on tears. I am struggling.

Onward and upward.

Dialysis

So ... a lifetime of worry is finally catching up to me. I meet with the vascular surgeon this week about getting my fistula (shunt) done to prepare me for dialysis at some point in the near future.

I'm coping well, but feel like I could really use a good cry - just not able to yet.

I wonder if I'm one of the only ones who has opted just to do dialysis and not go for a transplant. With mother's complication after her transplant (complication - some complication, she died). Anyway, with the risk of cancer and the fact it runs in the family, I'm not going to chance it.

Really, I'm blessed. I'm nearly 60 and just now dealing with this. I could have been much younger. Mom was.