The only constancy in life is change

Church was good today. The primary had their program and the children were wonderful. They made my heart smile. "I am a child of God". We say that, but sometimes we forget. I believe at their age, they remember and we can only hope they never forget.

This past week .... month ... wow. I've trained my replacement at the temple and she officially became the secretary this past Saturday. Gayla Dahl. She is delightful and is very kind and genuine. She'll do great. Sigh . . . The Primary children sang "I'm Going to the Temple" in their program today and I cried. 13 years I've worked there and now, it all changes. I've known for 30++ years my kidneys would fail at some point and now it's here. I'm greatful they gave me this long. Wow, mom died at 40 years old. Here I am coming up on 60.

The Lord has truly watched over me. Even at times when I least deserved his watchful care, he was there. He's protected me, gotten me out of bad situations, and has healed my heart. He's given me a loving companion and two great kids and a wonderful sister, good friends, and extended family. All things that really matter.

I can't really ask for more than that.

Soooo . . . I'll work at the family file desk until the end of November and be there to help Gayla when needed. I'm taking off for most of a week in early November to go see my girl and sister.

All is well . . . all is well.

Dialysis

Saw my nephrologist today. Will start dialysis before the end of the year. My eyes filled with tears and I actually felt a tear running down my cheek. First time since I started going down hill.

Yesterday I had a priesthood blessing by President Dieter Uchtdorff. When I came into the room with him, he is bigger than life. Wow.

Another week

So, I've made it another week. I had my fistula put in last week. So far so good. It still looks ugly, hopefully after seeing the dr. next week, it won't look so bad.

Trying to get everything in order at work, so when its time, it'll be any easy transition for the next person.

Sunday - 17 August 2008

Church was good today. Karen taught in Sunday School and did great, as usual. She talked about the things we need to do to protect ourselves and how we fall into sin a step at a time.

Relief Society Juby taught on Zion.

Wow, my surgery is on Thursday. Today right after Relief Society, Diann Bennett, came up and talked to me. It was the first time in all of this I bordered on tears. I am struggling.

Onward and upward.

Dialysis

So ... a lifetime of worry is finally catching up to me. I meet with the vascular surgeon this week about getting my fistula (shunt) done to prepare me for dialysis at some point in the near future.

I'm coping well, but feel like I could really use a good cry - just not able to yet.

I wonder if I'm one of the only ones who has opted just to do dialysis and not go for a transplant. With mother's complication after her transplant (complication - some complication, she died). Anyway, with the risk of cancer and the fact it runs in the family, I'm not going to chance it.

Really, I'm blessed. I'm nearly 60 and just now dealing with this. I could have been much younger. Mom was.

Another Saturday

I hate days like this when I feel so useless. Can't seem to do anything when i feel like this. Did a little yard work and that's about it.

Update

I saw the surgeon today. They put a new cast on and I see him again in two weeks.

Joe Matheney has been working on our landscaping. I can highly recommend him. His work is awesome. I can't remember being this excited about anything in a long time. Maybe because I just need some beauty in my life right now and to see things grow.

Another surgery

I had surgery on my left arm yesterday ... it all went well and I'm recovering. The docs and staff at Baylor are top notch, My surgery was supposed to be on Tuesday, but she went into labor. So her partner did the surgery yesterday. I could hardly believe it, she called me after having her baby to check on me.

Daily miracles

The lesson in Relief Society at church on Sunday reminded me how important it is to recognize the gifts you've been given and to write them down. This last month has been full of miracles.



Our fence ... its been falling down for some time and I felt very uneasy .... unsafe with it like it was. Our home teacher, his family, and some other ward members came over a few weeks ago and put up a new one for us. Brother Matheney deserves lots of stars in his crown.



I got to go to Utah to see my daughter ... another miracle for me ... it happened and it worked the way it was supposed to. My sister came to see me while I was there and we were able to go to the temple together. It was a real blessing.

My dad's exwife asked us to go to see her. She wanted to talk. Steve - my dear husband - was more than willing to go and we drove over Sunday afternoon when I'm sure all he wanted was to take a nap.

I saw my kidney specialist today. In a couple of months I will go in and have a fistula put in my arm. He thinks I'll be on dialysis in about a year. At that point, they'll take my kidneys out.

Maybe this year I'll have a break with nothing too strenous to deal with.

Another day

Went to see my daughter this weekend. Steve finished wiring her basement. She's doing so well, I'm quite proud of her. While he worked, we played and hard. My sister drove down Friday and stayed the night. Saturday AM, we got up and went to the temple and shopped.

We came home on Sunday and I was exhausted. A man I used to work with said, that company and dirty socks both smell after 3 days. I understand. After 3 days, I'm beat and ready to be home and I'm sure she was ready for me to go.

Yesterday, I just rested. I bought groceries, took the dogs for a walk, and slept. Not very productive, but I needed to regroup.

Transplant

Lots has happened since I last posted. We had the memorial service for Helen on the 19th of March. Her kids were all here. Michael sang two songs - "I Heard Him Come" and "Face to Face". Steve did the Eulogy and Gordon Wright was the main speaker and the Caskeys did the prayer. Ruthie Powell did the organ. The lady that was to accompany Mike hurt her back at the last minute and a lovely young lady from one of the other wards did the piano.

I heard from the transplant coordinator yesterday. She said I would be approved as a candidate for transplant but only after they did a bi-lateral nephrectomy. In other words, remove both of my other kidneys. This is due to the number of infections my kidneys have caused that have put me in the hospital. The concern is that they would continue to do so after the transplant (as they are usually left it). This will put me on dialysis immediately.

I'm supposed to see Dr. Rinner.

Helen

We buried Helen this morning. Steve left the house before me and went over to view Helen before they buried her. When I got there, the Caskeys came, a membership of Garland 4th's bishopric was there (Brother Haskin), and President and Sister Kennedy. It was peaceful and spiritual. Steve dedicated her grave. We left there and got a bite to eat, came home and took a walk, and he is napping. I'm trying to pull things back into some form of order. Everything has gotten so chaotic over the past few weeks.