Leaks . . .

Got up a little late yesterday but got my SAK started so I could dialysis last night.

I was getting Steve's lunch ready for him to take to work when I realized Sunday on the way home from taking Kristin to the airport the little yellow light had come on letting me know I was low on gas.  Since Steve gets off too late to put gas in the car I drove him to McKinney for work.  Only problem was, I had a 3:00 hair appointment with my Heidi.  I tried to call her and the number I had for her didn't work.  I left her a note on the door and took off to take him to work.  My hair is looking a little shaggy so I was disappointed.  She can't see me again this week; so I'll just have to make it work for now.

I went visit teaching last night and got to visit my favorite friend, Karen, with another one of my favorite friend's.  Rosilyn brought her really small Yorkie with her and Karen just fell in love with Tas the minute we walked in the door.  She'd like another dog but her husband says no; much to her disappointment.

I was thinking (first mistake) I'd start my treatment when I got home.  I got home and the alarm on the PureFlow was sounding off and I was frustrated.  "What now?"  I had been sure to flush my lines earlier to make sure there would be no problem.  When I got to the PureFlow and opened the door I saw dialysate floating around the SAK and not in it.  I checked my connections and they were secure so it was the SAK that failed.  Rushed back to the supply room and picked up two hanging bag boxes and set the machine up with bags.

Anyway, since all of this was delayed Steve had to wait an hour after he got off work for me to come.  He was so cool about it.  He sat in one of the motorized carts at the store, drank a soda, and read his book.  When we got home he helped me get the fluid out of the PureFlow.  Finally got to bed around 2 this morning.

Remarkable Family

This has been a challenging month for our family.  My children's father wound up hospitalized for multiple reasons, but regardless, it has been a time of growth and challenge and stress for them.  I stand awed at the strength I have seen in them and am proud of them and comforted to know they can step in and do what is required.  Also amazing to me is my dear Steve.  How many men would go to their wife's ex-husband's apartment and help cleanup.  We all found Jim had been hoarding things.  My kids (Stephen, Kristin, and Holli) all went over and cleaned up his apartment.  It's been a monumental task, but there were several large black bags of trash hauled out and Steve was right there helping.  He amazes me.

I just watched "Nie-Nie's" "New Life" video on Mormon messages.  She's an amazing woman.  I think I lose my view of who I am sometimes and need to remember I am a daughter of God and he knows me.

During dialysis last night I started throwing up.  I don't know if it was a virus or something I ate, but it was miserable.  Fortunately Sue was here and helped me and when Steve got home he cleaned things up.  I crawled into bed and Steve gave me a blessing.  I feel much better today.

Got up this morning and took my shower, ate a bagel, and took the dogs for a walk.

Today is Steve's 61st birthday.  We are getting older.

I'm Home, I'm Free!

I finished my month long training at the Grapevine Davita Center for in home dialysis. They were wonderful and so knowledgeable.

I did my first treatment Friday at home! The nurse from the center came over and assisted me and then she will be back tomorrow.

My energy level is so much better than I can remember having in years. SO MUCH BETTER than in center dialysis. I am so greatful.

When I did my hemodialysis on Friday I felt so much better being in my own home.

My blood pressure has gone way down too. Its all good!

Here's a picture of my new lifeline.

I've read that some of those using this machine have given them names. So I thought "thumper". With my renewed energy, I thought of the energizer bunny, but thats too long of a name, so bunny - thumper - also the machine kind of makes a thumping noise when its priming. What do you think? Any other suggestions?

Normal Lives

Its been a great week. A week with lots of change in my life and growth.

Walking the dogs tonight, I glanced over to my right and saw a family through their dining room window, eating their dinner. I was reminded at that moment, most of us live very normal lives, in normal homes. Not the homes you see on tv on HGTV, but normal living; with laundry to do, dishes to wash, floors to clean, and toilets to scrub. The lives we see on tv are just lives on a stage, not the reality. We need to be grateful for our simple lives.

This past Monday I got a call from DaVita in Grapevine. They wanted to come over and do an inspection on the house to see if it would be viable for home dialysis. She came over the next afternoon and when she was leaving asked if I was ready to start this coming Monday for training on NxStage. It floored me because I wasn't expecting it until the end of August. What a surprise, a good surprise. I said goodbye to all of my friends at the center in Plano this morning.

I'm not sure why this was advanced up a month, but it will be interesting to see why down the road. Its kind of in wonderment. I'm anxious to see the Lord's purpose in all of this.

On another bright note, Steve got paid today from the contractor he's been doing work for.

Farewells

Me on my machine. I don't normally look so wiped out. It was about 7:00 a.m. and I'd been on the machine for about 15 minutes.

When I first started in dialysis the nurse on the staff at Davita really watched over me and helped me feel safe when I started dialyzing. They are opening a new Davita center on the west side of town and she is going to be the facility manager there. I am sad to see her go, but I know she will be a blessing to others in the facility there.

I've decided to add pictures of the staff and my machine today.
This is Terri. She's the one changing centers and will really be missed.


This is Tomika. She will be staying at the center (whew! I couldn't handle more change).

Once the center is up and running on the other side of town many of those who started will be transferring there. I understand our center has a waiting list. Its a good thing my name got in before now.

On another note, I was really charged yesterday when I was able to figure out how to make my blog a three column blog. So its a little different than before.

Busyness

So far today I've cleaned the kitchen, the oven (so alright, I just punch a button), walked the dogs, pulled weeds, and mowed the backyard. A much better day than yesterday, but I think I'm done. After I finished I sat out in a chair in the yard and felt the wind blowing on my face and loved the way it made me feel.

Steve's sister emailed a link to me out of the New York Times on kidney disease. I watched (and listened) and it was very interesting and reflects a lot of the same feelings I have (except for I will not at this time opt for transplant.)

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/05/the-voices-of-kidney-disease/

Inside Out

I got up this morning, ate a bowl of cereal, and rushed to change my clothes to get to my hair appointment. Heidi always does a great job and I always look forward to my appointment. Last week when my son had surgery, I came home and forgot my appointment. I thought then she must really think I'm dingy. Well today I proved it. When I got home from my appointment, I looked in the mirror and realized my t-shirt was on inside out!

Several years ago on a BYU broadcast I saw Lucille Johnson speak. She spoke of a time she had a speaking assignment at a womens conference and because she was late and on a phone call, her husband rushed her out of the door. As she was walking into the conference the women were asking her if she was ok. After she got up and spoke and the conference finished, she got in the car and pulled down the visor and saw her reflection in the mirror. She screamed. She teases her hair and it was still all teased up. She had never combed it out. I know younger adults will probably not get the picture, but some of the older will. Although my embarrasment will not match hers at that moment, it was still bad enough.

Steve has a couple of job interviews today. My daughter's gone on another BYU trip to Hawaii. Lucky girl.

Last night I ironed Steve's shirts. I haven't ironed a shirt in nearly 40 years. I was so ambitious I even ironed a tablecloth that Steve's mom used to use. Its been tucked in a drawer for nearly ten years. The most significant thing about this was that I had the energy to do so. If anyone fears dialysis, don't. It makes such a difference in the way you feel.

Update

Just got back from dialysis. It went well and my dry weight was down to 85.8. This is good. I think I must be losing some weight because I've not been eating near as much.

I see so many different people in dialysis at various stages of life. There are many who are elderly and to me, exercise a great deal of courage to be coming at that stage in life. One comes in a wheelchair and her husband sits with her the entire time she's there. Another one has struggled because her access hasn't done well by her.

The center is filling up fast. So fast they're having to add another shift and that moves my time to 6:00 a.m. Good thing its close to home. Maybe I'll get to sleep. I've not been able to so far. There's always the possibility . . .

I'm trying to keep up with putting a thought for the day down on my blog. Hopefully, someone somewhere will find inspiration in them.

Yeah ... my sister called and she is coming in town this weekend to see me. She is so wonderful. I'm glad to claim her as my sis.

Did some indexing tonight on the Arkansas marriage records for new family search. They take longer to do than some of the others. I keep hoping to run across some of my family in the process. So far, no luck though.

I'm so grateful to my Savior for watching over me and carrying me through so far. I hope to keep the faith and trust in him in all things. Thank you for each new day.

Update

Just finished my second full week of dialysis. Dialysis for me was a whole lot less frightening than the anticipation or expectations. A little skin prick - no problem. I bring my laptop and play Mah Jong and read.

Yesterday my visiting teachers came to see me. Trina and her temporary partner, my good friend, Karen. Dyan Bennett came over at lunch and brought me a salad. It was so neat to have their company and it certainly made the four hours go by faster.

I have more energy than I can remember ever having. Made it 15 minutes this morning on the elliptical ... thats big for me.

Update

Saw my vascular surgeon today. My fistula is ready to be used for dialysis. I was given a dr. order to start. I will see my nephrologist next week and will be scheduling to get it started. They'll put me in the hospital for three days to get started. I was finally hit with the reality of it all on the way home.

This is my last week at work. Yesterday afternoon was the Christmas social and I felt apart from it all. Gayla is now the secretary and I am no longer. I am blessed to have been there and held that job for the past 13 years. Now a new chapter.

I'm feeling a little melancholy today.

Dialysis

So ... a lifetime of worry is finally catching up to me. I meet with the vascular surgeon this week about getting my fistula (shunt) done to prepare me for dialysis at some point in the near future.

I'm coping well, but feel like I could really use a good cry - just not able to yet.

I wonder if I'm one of the only ones who has opted just to do dialysis and not go for a transplant. With mother's complication after her transplant (complication - some complication, she died). Anyway, with the risk of cancer and the fact it runs in the family, I'm not going to chance it.

Really, I'm blessed. I'm nearly 60 and just now dealing with this. I could have been much younger. Mom was.