Mid-life ramblings

A Day Early - But Happy Valentines Day Anyway!

2012-02-13T12:56:00.000-06:00

Every Valentine's Day I am reminded how very lucky I am to be married to a good man. Life has not been easy, we've had our ups and downs, but it is good and I am very grateful to be married to him.

My little grandson continues to grow. He is such a sweetheart, another thing to be grateful for this time of year. Well heck - my kids, my grandson, my husband, my friends, my family, life in general. I have much to be grateful for. Happy Valentines Day to all.

Braden and Charlie Powell

2012-02-06T08:58:00.001-06:00

Susan Powell disappeared from her home in December of 2009. She was a beautiful woman and was believed to be killed by her husband, Josh Powell. I have followed her case at a distance for the past two years. I would occasionally check to see if there had been any changes in her case and at times had been hopeful they may find her, but there had not been any resolution after two years.

Yesterday that changed for me. I had taken a long nap after church and got onto the internet. I was startled, devastated, and angry for a very long time yesterday and just grievous this morning because I had read Josh had killed his two little boys, Braden and Charlie, and himself yesterday by blowing up his house. The final act of selfishness and a horrific way for this to end.

My heart goes out to the Cox family and all of those who loved and cared for the Powells.

I am a Grandma!

2012-01-27T20:03:00.002-06:00

Although I prefer to be called "Nana". Silly, I just think back to my own Grandmas and at that time in my life I thought they were really old. Now I look back and they were about where I am now age wise. Still - I'm Nana.

William Blade was born last Friday. He weighed 7 lb 13 ounces and was 21 1/2 inches long. He is beautiful and perfect. He is my son's baby and there was nothing more perfect in my universe than to watch him with this little boy and for me to hold this newborn boy in my arms. Just on this side of Heaven. What a blessing to be able to be here at this time with him.

What a way to end the year

2011-12-31T22:32:00.001-06:00

Sounds like a country western song.

First off - I know I've been very blessed. In spite of three years of great difficulty we are still in our home, I'm doing dialysis from home, and still have quality of life. We have been well cared for and I have a new grandson due any day.

Went to the temple today to watch some dear friends get sealed.

But . . . . its like one thing after another this month. Steve had a wreck the week before Christmas. We thought no major damage, but surprise . . . big time damage. Somebody decided they wanted to be where Steve was on the service road and moved over. Steve jumped the curb to avoid being hit and boom there it was. So glad we have insurance. Could have been much worse. The other guy just kept going.

Today . . . I sit in my recliner doing my treatment and working on indexing. I've gotten to where I take my glasses off to read and did . . can't find them anywhere! It doesn't make sense. I'm hoping Steve can find them. I'm running around blind and couldn't see where they are if I tried.

November 11 2011

2011-11-11T11:20:00.000-06:00

Veterans day today. Reminded me of my father today. Dad died 9 years ago. Coming up on ten. It's hard to believe. Sound out to all the veterans present and past. Thank you for your service and sacrifice.

Just got back from spending time with my daughter in Austin. I love being with her, but am always glad to come home - my sanctuary.

Our little Benson passed away unexpectedly. He had been my buddy for the past four years. He and I had been through some tough times together. He went downhill in a very short time and apparently had Cushings disease. He will always be missed.

I have a new buddy. His name is Bailey. He went with me to my daughter's house. He is a handful but a delight. He's a little black ball of fur and is a busy fellow. I'll post a pic when I have one to share.

Our visiting dog is gone

2011-09-10T16:28:00.001-05:00

My daughter took her dog home. He's sweet and Steve adore's him. I'm thrilled. He nailed the rug under the dining room table. We had the brother from our ward come over and he tried to clean it yesterday but he said Pepe had saturated the rug. I think it happened when I was in the hospital. The scent wasn't there before, but was there when I came home. When we had all the windows replaced and the patio door replaced we didn't put the doggy door back in. Bad choice.

Our little guy is really good about it; Pepe .... I'm just glad he's gone home.

Change

2011-09-09T19:20:00.000-05:00

My daughter and I have a unique relationship. Mother, daughter, and friend. There are times I have been her counselor and greatest supporter; and she mine. I love her dearly.

She has changes coming in her life sooner than later. She's leaving Texas and probably heading to California. She has an interview on Tuesday and it sounds promising for her. She's so excited so I have to be happy for her, but sad for me since she won't be down the highway. If it works, she'll be gone to California in a couple of weeks.

Spent the day today working on the yard. Its been so beautiful here this week. I love the cooler weather.

The Little Things

2011-07-19T22:13:00.001-05:00

I was standing at the sink washing dishes and thought how grateful I am to be alive and able to do the little things - like washing dishes (my least favorite chore, and yet one of the most rewarding). I was able to mow the front yard this morning - it was not yet 100 degrees and it felt good to be able to look at the yard and know it had been mowed.

I am well aware that it is only by the grace of God I have a life and have been given this time. I see the things the Lord does for us on a daily basis and have much to be grateful for.

More Storms

2011-05-24T19:15:00.000-05:00

Wow . . Oklahoma city was hit by tornadoes today and we're under a tornado watch, but other counties in Texas are under a warning. I hate tornadoes.

Poor Benson is really having a hard time with Kristin's dog, Pepe, being here. Yesterday for no reason at all Pepe just tore into him. I took them for a walk this afternoon and one of our neighbors said a pit bull had gotten loose and tore into two little dogs walking with the owners last week. Scary stuff. Maybe I should start carrying Mace when I walk.

Clipped the bushes this morning. My flowers are growing so nice and oh my goodness, my squash plants are huge.

Going to Be a Long Summer

2011-05-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

Woke up this morning to the news that 1/3 of Joplin Missouri had been destroyed by a tornado. It brought unsettling feels inside of me. So many bad things happening in the world; tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, fires, etc. I am convinced this is going to be a summer of disasters.

Harold Camping

On a side note, this weekend a "false prophet" said the world was going to end. If he'd only read his scriptures, he'd know better. Anyway, there will be a second coming and it is coming. Personally, I believe sooner than later. Anyway, watching everyone's reaction to this man, Harold Camping, made me think of Noah and how many people were making fun and laughing at him. There are so many who don't believe in the second coming and laugh at those who do and they have posted many comments mocking those who do. Their day will come and they will be surprised. Phillipians 2:10-11 "That the ^aname of Jesus every ^bknee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;

And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is^aLord, to the glory of God the Father."

D&C 88

2011-05-01T16:06:00.001-05:00

This morning there was a special stake conference held. Elder Rasband was visiting. They took the entire Plano Stake and split us into different buildings to watch the conference. We were meeting over at the Legacy chapel and unfortunately, the feed from Roundrock didn't work. We sang some hymns; watched a replay of Elder Holland's talk from April conference; and then Elder Rasband and President Wilding made it to the Legacy building.

President Wilding spoke of D&C 88 and suggested for the month of May we choose one item from the following scripture: 119^aOrganize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a ^bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

Organization and order have always been great challenges for me. When I worked at my last job I was in my element and had things well organized. However, home for me for the past 20 plus years has been a place I crashed, hung my hat, slept, ate, spent time with family and not much more.

I have been trying to bring organization into my life and home and order. My continuing challenge but one I'm praying about and trying to correct. So my challenge, President Wilding for the month of May is organization and order (both the same in my mind).

President Rasband's talk was inspiring and well worth staying over for. I love the definition he shared for "failure in the home." Don't ever give up on your children. I love my family and am so grateful for Steve and my children. Also about the safe harbor of home, family, temple, and the church.

I Love Sundays

2011-04-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

Not only is it Sunday - but Easter Sunday. I owe my Savior so much. I was talking to my dear husband earlier this morning about the blessings that have been ours through the Savior's grace and I owe him all that I have to give him which really is nothing but my heart.

Church was awesome. The speakers were wonderful and the choir did a beautiful job. Sunday school and Relief Society were moving and I felt the Spirit through all three meetings.

I've had some IBS issues over the past week and my home teacher swung by and he and Steve gave me a blessing.

Steve and I had a nice dinner and settled in for the evening.

One of the sister missionaries that used to live with us is going home Tuesday and stopped in for a visit tonight.

It was really a great day.

There is a picture by James C Christensen that I love and have posted it on my desktop. Everytime I turn on my computer and see the screen I think of faith. This woman's faith that even fleeting contact with Christ could cure the incurable is matched only by her resolve in making the event occur. So powerful is such faith that the frenzy of a pressing crowd dissolves before the touch of such a devoted human spirit and the virtue of Christ flows to it. (Mark 5:25-34)

Touching the Hem of God - James C Christensen

Finally Gave Up the Ghost

2011-04-18T16:06:00.002-05:00

I guess I should clarify - not me - the dishwasher. It was a great machine when it was new, but here it is ten years later and its been struggling. Over the past month when I would unload the machine, I would wonder what percent of the dishes would still be dirty.

When I take a dirty dish or piece of silverware out of the cabinet I remember way back 40 years ago when my mother pulled out something I had hand washed and didn't get it done right and had me wash every dish in the cabinet. Still scars me 40 years later - ( just kidding mom) so I get a little anxious when I pull things out of the cabinet and they are dirty. She's on the other side so she can't get to me, but I am covering my bases for when I meet her on the other side.

Anyway - today about 50% were down and dirty and I cringed and looked on line for another dishwasher, since we are on a really tight budget and yet not enough for me to start hand washing everything again.

A good weekend. I am still sitting here prolonging my time before I start my dialysis treatment. Benson wanted to go for a walk so I thought that would kill 30 minutes anyway - oh no . . he realized it was a little too warm for his liking and brought me straight back home. Oh well! Some times nothing or no one is cooperative. Today's my day.

Green Expo

2011-04-16T17:14:00.002-05:00

My dear husband and I went to our community's Green Expo today. We had planned to go earlier, but . . . ~~overslept~~ time got away from us . . . again. We got there about 11:30 and wandered for a little while. It was easy to get there (only a couple of miles away) and they had enough parking and the local transit system transported everyone from the parking to the fair. Very well done.

We went to learn about composting. We took a class on composting and they gave us a compost bin. Now let me see if I can remember how to do it . . . oxygen, nitrogen, carbon and . . . oh yes . . . water.

Lots of people there and lots of exhibits and kids activities. It was well done.

We had a good time together and got home just in time to rush him off to work.

Family Connections

2011-04-15T11:44:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday I went to visit my aunt Mary Frances. She lives in a "rehabilitation center" just east of here. She's in her late 80's and in very poor health. Its very painful for her to be mobile. She always has such a great attitude in spite of it all.

One of the things that keeps me busy is genealogy. I've been working on Mary Frances's family history and have had some degree of success. I wanted to share it with her but short of printing a ream of paper (which would have been way too much for her and whole lot more money than I had to spend), I didn't know how to bring it to her. Last week I asked if someone from my church group could lend me their laptop so I could show her roots to her. I had a phone call and an email offering me to use a laptop from a couple of different people from church and then on Sunday I was sitting in a class when a wonderful couple brought theirs in for me to use. I really have a great church family. Anyway, I borrowed a laptop and took it to see Mary Frances.

My great grandfather left Arkansas and moved to Texas and never looked back. No one knew anything about his family. A few years back I met a man who was also working on Stewart genealogy and found the connection to Arkansas. Willis was excited to find me because the Arkansas family were wondering what had become of my grandfather and his descendants. Willis had published a book on the Stewart family history and I bought a copy.

I took the laptop and the book for Mary Frances to see. She was overwhelmed to see her family. The book had pictures of family she had never met. I use RootsMagic as a genealogy software and I was able to show her family connections over many generations. It was an amazing experience to share this with her.

Unbelievable

2011-03-22T00:14:00.000-05:00

Two days until closing and I called the loan closer at Bank of America and was told they had declined the loan. I asked how that could be and she asked me to call our loan processor. Apparently, back when the whole process started for the refinance, someone in Underwriting failed to catch our loan type and due to some small wacky law in Texas they can't run our loan through as an FHA loan. Talk about feeling stunned and I am just tired. We're supposed to hear back tomorrow to see what we can do.

There's Got To Be A Better Way

2011-03-19T10:50:00.000-05:00

The doctor has asked me to take one of my med's in the morning and not to eat for an hour after taking it; instead of thinking about how hungry I am, I look for things I can do to kill the hour. This morning its 70 degrees out, not raining, and quite comfortable; so I decided to go out and prune my roses. 35 minutes later I'm done - only two really big bushes - and my arms are covered with scratches and my hands are sore from the thorns. I thought I was being really smart and put on gloves - the thorns went straight through. Now I know why there are so many different kinds of gloves - must be the thick leather ones are for pruning. Next time. Any other ideas?

Yesterday I called my internist because I'd been having symptons of low blood sugar in the middle of the night; anxious, sweaty. It didn't make any sense because I'm not even taking blood sugar medication. She asked me to come right in. When I got there they hooked me up to an EKG because they were thinking I might be having heart issues in the middle of the night. The results were just fine, but it got me thinking how it might be a good idea to find out what the symptoms of a heart attack for a woman are. After seeing them, I understood why they thought I might be having heart issues in the middle of the night. I thought I'd share them, they are:

· Chest pain-may also include back pain and/or deep aching and throbbing in one or both arms.

· Breathlessness and/or inability to catch your breath when waking up.

· Clammy sweating.

· Dizziness--unexplained lightheadedness, possible blackouts.

· Anxiety--unusual nervousness, feelings of impending doom.

· Edema--fluid retention and swelling usually of the ankles or lower legs.

· Fluttering--rapid heartbeats, palpitations.

· Nausea--gastric upset.

· Feeling of heaviness, such as pressure-like chest pain between the breasts that may radiate to the left arm or shoulder.

Refinance Approved Finally!

2011-03-17T22:44:00.001-05:00

After 1 1/2 years of trying to get a loan modification (being declined because we stayed current) and then trying to do a refinance for the past three months - we finally have been approved! We close on Wednesday. I am so grateful.

Took Benson for a long walk tonight and then visited our neighbors to see their new grandson.

Its hard to believe this is all resolving. Oh yes - with my Irish and Scottish background . . gotta say - Happy Pat's Day!

Thanks Rebecca

2011-03-11T16:06:00.000-06:00

One of the ladies I follow is oh so creative. I turn green sometimes with envy over her talent. I am not good at putting things together and making them look just right. I went to a Home Interiors Party must have been 20 plus years ago and bought this little basket and a bunch of flowers that the hostess said you just "plop the flowers in and they would be perfect." Well . . . I plopped and plopped and plopped. They just never looked the way they did at the party. Anyway. Rebecca is so talented. I was on her site yesterday and just clicked on one of buttons on people she followed . . and then I clicked on a button on their site . . . and then I clicked on another button and so on . . . they're on my site now. I'm fascinated at how they make things so darn cute on so very little. Maybe I can do this. Hey if I can do dialysis from home and stick myself, surely I can plop and make it right. Don't you think?

Its Spring!

2011-03-10T15:27:00.000-06:00

Took the pups for a walk this morning. The trees are all budding. I saw a neighbors flowers budding. It felt so good to be out in the air and walking.

Today I made a new bean chili for Steve to eat when he gets home. Its in the crockpot and simmering.

The house is so quiet this afternoon.

Way Before My Time

2011-03-09T18:14:00.000-06:00

But . . . what a way to take care of those postpartum blues for the Mom and the baby -

A Morning at the Temple

2011-03-08T16:49:00.000-06:00

Went to the temple this morning with my daughter. The grounds were beautiful. We went through a session and came home. It was wonderful to spend time with her.

Finally get my camera back tomorrow. I've really missed it and am looking forward to using it. I found I wanted one of the new SmartPhones so I could take pictures. Once I realized what the yearning was for, it was an easy decision to buy another point and shoot instead of spending 30 a month for a data plan. So I ordered a little Canon from WalMart and its here.

I'm trying to cook different things. Today I'm making home made tomato soup - Sunday I made King Ranch Chicken. Not sure what the plan is for tomorrow, but I think it'll be a chili of some kind.

Changes to the Bible?

2011-03-04T00:25:00.000-06:00

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has ordered up a new translation of the Bible, one it says is more accurate, more accessible and more poetic. The bible with the changes is to be released on Ash Wednesday, March 9. Hmm... by what authority are they doing this? One of the things they are changing is troubling to me; it is the removal of the reference to Mary as being a virgin, it will now say a young woman. How long before they start rewriting the Bible and remove references to other doctrinal items.

Children - Heartbreaks and Blessings

2011-02-21T10:37:00.000-06:00

I sat in the room listening to my son and his wife speaking of the end of a thirteen year message. I would have never dreamed in my lifetime this would happen and why. They have struggled - a lot - but have held together and now . . . I don't know. He made a really poor choice and this is the consequence. She called me at six and was screaming in my ear. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. The only thing I could hear was my son's name. She got off the phone and I was sitting here thinking he was dead. I called her back and she had settled down. The next three hours were one call after another from her, my daughter, and my son.

Funny - the little icon I have on my home page on pornography. My marriage dissolved because of it and it looks like my son's will be for the same reason. People just think the only one they are affecting is themselves, please wake up world and know it is no little thing. I couldn't believe that after everything we all went through with their Dad, that they would follow suit.

So I sat until late last night listening to both my son and his wife in pain and I felt it. I cannot even begin to comprehend the pain the Savior must have felt for all of us.

Genealogy

2011-02-16T23:20:00.000-06:00

Technology - a blessing and a curse. The blessing - I was at the family history library this morning and was on the phone with the technology guy for our center. He said they learned alot of new information at the Roots Tech conference in Salt Lake this past week. He said they felt like they were drinking water out of a fire hose. I'm looking forward to our training meeting this week.

The curse - sometimes technology seems to absorb so much of my life. I'm trying to be more careful about the time I spend on line.

Saw the dr yesterday and told her I was worried about my weight loss. She examined me and talked with me and then said "have you changed your eating habits?" My response was "not really, I quit eating ice cream, and quit eating the sugar free chocolates, and cut back on my breads." No sooner had I said the words and she started laughing, I felt pretty foolish. But its great - 10 lbs. in a month. Feels good.

TESTIMONY

2011-01-28T16:10:00.000-06:00

I spent the better part of the day yesterday watching a video series on BYU tv. Messiah: the Lamb of God.
May I say first and foremost the series is awesome and give lots of room for thought. www.byutv.org/Messiah

The has been a really good week for me. Tuesday morning I was at the temple working on family file names. Wednesday morning I was working on my genealogy and found some great sources.

This morning I did my dialysis treatment early and read scriptures and resource materials. In general a very good day.

In the last episode I watched yesterday they encouraged us to bear our testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ. I do believe he is Jesus the Christ - the son of God. I believe he came to earth and took upon himself all of our sins. I do believe he died and was resurrected; and because of Him, we will be resurrected also. I have a great sense of gratitude for the price he paid for us so that we might return home when we pass from this life.

I am learning to trust Him more and more. Sometimes I try to take things back and fix things for myself. I spent two years trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage after I started dialysis. We sold my husband's truck, cancelled the cable, cut down on our cell phone plan, took no trips, didn't eat out, packed Steve's lunches and managed with the help of God and many were able to keep the mortgage current during the time we tried for the modification and were turned down because we kept things current. So . . . I filed for a refinance and thought it would be no problem. It has been a problem and so I stepped into my I need to fix this and kept calling probably to the point of being a pest. Yesterday I realized I had done all I could possibly do and the couldn't do another thing. I took it to the Lord and prayer and have turned it over to Him.

Some Days Are Just Days - Nothing Spectacular

2011-01-24T16:47:00.000-06:00

The past few days have just been hum drum. Nothing spectacular. Church was good yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed the service. Leadership changes in the women's organization. Came home, rested, walked the dog, fixed dinner, and cleaned up. Did my treatment.

Saturday pretty much the same except of course for church. Oh but wait, I did get the laundry done!

I also did the FlyLady thing and had a shiny sink when I went to bed. That was good.

I think the trick must be to just be grateful to have the days and maybe, just maybe, its good to not have anything spectacular happening.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell: Hope through the Atonement of Christ

2011-01-14T15:25:00.002-06:00

I always loved Elder Maxwell and missed him when he passed. It was nice to find this video today and hear his comforting words.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell: Hope through the Atonement of Christ

On A Thread

2011-01-12T18:02:00.001-06:00

Life is so short and sometimes we just take it for granted. It throws it punches and we fall and can either get up or just lay there and do nothing. I was listening to a program on www.mormon.org yesterday about a family, the Christensen's, who had four children and every one of them had "Congenital Muscular Dystrophy". After each pregnancy they were told they had a one in four chance of their child having the condition and after much prayer and fasting would decide to try again. They loved and supported each one of their children and delighted in their accomplishments - and they did accomplish. They spent alot of the time in the hospital with them, but when they were out of the hospital, they lived. They have lost two of the four children. I was amazed at their strength and resilience.

We have an older couple in our ward. I sat behind them at church yesterday. He's had skin cancer for a number of years and has had many surgeries for it. They have continued for years to serve and in very busy capacities. They served over at the welfare center in strenuous jobs. They've both served at the temple a couple of times a week for years. They are such an example to me. I noticed he's getting frail and it makes me sad. It was so sweet - after all of these years together, he had his arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder. It made me just want to melt.

I worked with a woman at the temple several years ago who had breast cancer. Nancy was cancer free for four years and went in for reconstructive surgery. Less than a year later the cancer was back. Nancy fought and with the fight won back one of her son's, but not her health. One day she had determined it was her time to die. She showed up at the temple with all of her family; went on an endowment session; did some sealings; went home and ate with her family; said her goodbyes to her family and went to bed. Much to her surprise, she was still here the next morning. This replayed a couple of different times before she actually died. She fought valiantly and was at the temple performing service for as long as she could physically go. I was impressed with her but also learned another lesson. The Lord will take you when he's going to bring you home and not before or after.

A few years ago I had my challenges . . . I went through three bouts of sepsis. Each one of them severe; but he didn't.bring me home. At the time I had decided he'd left me here because of my family, but I've learned I'm just not as smart as God is and he knows the reasons I'm here. I can just make the most of my life day by day. I try and sometimes I'm less productive than I wish I was, but I do try.

We're all here hanging by a thread. None of us know when we're going home, but we will be going sometime. The important thing is to live our lives the best we can and just trust in God's purposes. A lady told me several years ago "the battle is already won, what matters is where we are standing". I hope I'm always standing on holy ground and will stand approved when he brings me home.

One Really Good Man

2011-01-08T18:02:00.000-06:00

My dear husband, my son, and my ex-husband left my house yesterday and drove an hour to get to my ex's apartment yesterday. Eleven hours later they returned. They spent the day loading boxes from the apartment onto a trailer. My daughter had agonized and struggled last week to try and sell her dad's washer and dryer to no avail; one of the neighbors bought it yesterday. Apparently her Dad saw someone carrying clothes to the laundry and approached them. They bought them immediately.

My son struggled with the trailer and in the effort of backing it up blew the lights out on the u-haul trailer. They called U-Haul and they said it would be an hour before they could get there. My husband got out his tools, got the trailer fixed, and they were about to leave when the U-Haul guy got there.

They were all exhausted by the time they drove my dear husband at home. What an amazing guy. I'm so lucky to be married to him.

Out in the Light

2011-01-07T01:41:00.002-06:00

My family has been devastated by pornography. Twenty-six years ago I was divorced because of pornography. My first husband's life was horrible growing up. It reads like something out of a horror movie and I'm sure it felt like it was to him, his brother, and his sisters. The scars of this devastated his soul and he turned to pornography to medicate himself. This past month has been turned upside down because of his pornography use over many years and the damage it has caused him. He's had to move in with my son and his wife. The courage and strength they are showing in taking care of him now is of great magnitude. So many I've spoken to over the years have thought it is no big deal. I'm here to say it is and there is a growing sickness of it spreading even to our youngest. Its even thrown in our faces at times when we think we are safe. I can't how many times I've seen Victoria Secret's Angels being shown in a commercial during what used to be called "family hour" on television.

Anyway, I found this website earlier tonight and it is so full of information for those who are struggling with pornography themselves or for their loved ones and families who are struggling with the ripple effect it is causing in their own lives. I have put their button on my page. It is a good resource. www.outinthelight.com

He's Coming Home!

2011-01-06T12:07:00.000-06:00

I really thought Benson was just sulking because Pepe had been here too long. By Sunday night I knew he was in trouble when he'd let me hold him; usually Benson will sit until he's had enough and jump, but not this time. He was miserable. I got him over to Dr. Hanks office first thing Monday morning. They ran labs and he had pancreatis. He was a sick little dog in serious trouble. It was a scary couple of days. I am so grateful for Dr Hanks. She worked hard on him and we get to bring him home today!

I got emotional yesterday and was speaking to my daughter. Her boss told her it was o.k. to get mad at God. She's had a rough time of it with all of the stuff going with her Dad and life not working out the way she'd hoped it would. We spoke about it last night and she said "what point is there in getting mad at God?" I have learned that the trials bring me strength and make me a much better person than I was; so why be mad at God? Of all of the miracles in my life, the greatest is what he's been able to do with me.

I need to remember I am many things - a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend; but most especially a daughter of God and I am grateful to him for my life, my children, my husband, my faith, and my trust in Him . . . and today for being able to bring Benson home.

January 2011 - A Fresh Start

2011-01-03T00:30:00.001-06:00

2011 - I can hardly believe it. New Years Eve was quiet here. Watched tv and climbed into bed just in time to kiss 2010 goodbye. I am hopeful for this year. There is so much potential and a clean fresh start.

Sometimes I'm really not sure why things have to be the way they are and just when I start to grumble, the Lord humbles me and reminds me he is in control and there is a reason.

There's been a lot of commotion in our lives this past month - still lots going on with the kids Dad, Sue living with us and all of its accompanying challenges. Day before yesterday I got a little emotional and informed the Lord I really needed a break in it all.

Last night I was trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. I really didn't feel like cooking and my good friend had brought over some great soup last week when I couldn't eat. I was finally able to start eating on Thursday and thought it would be good idea. By the way - the soup was great. But, I also forgot I had to do my dialysis last night. Dialysis and salt are not friends. If I'd only eaten half of the box, I'd of probably been fine, but I thought the whole box was one serving; it was two. About 1000 grams of salt in the box and added crackers to it. So . . . when I realized I had to do my treatment last night I knew I had to make adjustments. I tried, but about 30 minutes before the treatment was over I started cramping something awful in my legs. I called for Sue and in the short time it took for her to get up here I was shaking and was throwing up. I was so grateful to have her here last night - she helped me through it.

This morning at church it was fast and testimony meeting. I got up for the first time in sometime and was overcome and cried. I felt like I'd been called to repentance in a way from the Lord. I know she's here and as challenging as it is sometimes, its a good thing. We help each other don't we all? I guess thats one of the reasons we are here.

Kristin was here for Christmas and spent most of her time cleaning out her Dad's apartment. We babysat her dog. Benson has really struggled with his presence here and hopefully will do better now that he is gone. Kristin and Pepe left tonight.

I love my children. They are incredible and are so strong.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-26T18:28:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas all. Its been a quiet day today. Yesterday Stephen and Holli and Jim (the kids Dad) were here for dinner. Kristin worked like crazy to pull the dinner together. I helped her with the turkey, potatoes and mac and cheese. She did the rest. She wanted to try cooking the turkey in the crockpot. Now it was a 10 lb. turkey breast. It fit in the pot, but still sat 1" too high. I took out my electric knife and went at it like a ninja carving it raw to make sure it fit in the pot. Did it! Had to put my planner on top to keep the lid on.

Holli showed up with pies. It was a good dinner. I have been struggling over the past few days trying to get rid of the infection in my neck. Oh yes . . . not life threatening, just an infection. One that hurts like heck. I'm on antibiotic and pain meds.

I've been drifting in and out of sleep for three days. I didn't even try to make it to church this AM. Woke up at 10 and went back to sleep at 1 and woke up at 6 tonight. I am hoping this thing will go away soon!

Bummer

2010-12-22T17:21:00.000-06:00

Sitting here listening to Christmas music. I have Il Divo playing right now. Love their music. Brings such a spirit to me to listen to beautiful music.

Last night I remembered that the title company called yesterday morning. Couldn't remember a word of the conversation, I'd been asleep, but remembered saying they were acting fast. Don't know if I should call them back and admit or maybe it might have been just a call saying they were handling things.

Steve's been sick for about a week now and has missed three days of work and I've been having an ear ache and pain on the left side of my face and a swollen lymph node. He and I went to the doctor this morning and they put him on antibiotics. My doctor wasn't available so they had me see another doctor - a young doctor. She looked in my ear, looked in my mouth, had me make funny faces and said she wanted me to see an ENT. So much for an ear infection. She said I had a bump under my tongue. So I have an appointment tomorrow to see an ENT. Its funny how my mind works. Within 30 minutes of seeing her, in my mind I had figured out how Steve would be able to go on after I passed on. I'm nuts sometimes.

So hard to believe Christmas is just 3 days off - even harder to realize there's only a little over a week left to 2010. Hopefully 2011 will be a better year.

Anyway took Sue to Target and while she shopped we filled Steve's prescriptions and waited for her eating popcorn and drinking soda at Starbucks in the store.

Can't believe we are so close to Christmas.

Great Weekend

2010-12-20T13:07:00.000-06:00

Wonderful weekend - actually a fun weekend for me. Poor Steve has been so sick he didn't get much out of it other than sleep.

A cute couple from our ward showed up singing carols for us. I didn't manage to catch a picture of them. Kristin had my camera in her purse, but I grabbed a copy of them off of Facebook. (Thanks Rebecca)

Kristin came in town for her friend's wedding. I'm anxious to get a copy of the pictures of her. It was too cute and she was miserable. She thought the dress was ugly (red brocade), it was short and she was nervous about bending at all, and she had to wear her cowboy boots with it. She got up really early the morning of the wedding to get her hair done and didn't like the way it was done. All in all it wasn't a happy experience for her.

However, she was way too excited. She finally let her Altima go to rest. She'd been driving it since she returned from her church mission nearly 12 years ago. It had nearly 200000 miles on it. The motor mounts were shot and the shocks were gone. The mechanic said there were just too many problems with it. Alot of the parts in the engine were rusted. She mourned losing that car (seriously?) So the day of the wedding she bought her a new car before driving home and made it to the wedding rehearsal with about 15 minutes to spare.

Saturday was just way too busy. We took Sue to Irving to take her granddaughter's stuff to her daughter's house, came back and went to Albertson's to get the makings of sausage balls for the ward Christmas party, picked up an order of 40# of chicken breasts; came home and made sausage balls; delivered to the church for the party; came home and froze the chicken; and finally did my dialysis treatment. Wore out completely!

Sunday morning had a horrible time just getting out of bed. I did make it to Relief Society though and really enjoyed the lesson on gifts of the Spirit. Thanks Margaret.

Boy, Things Change Don't They?

2010-12-02T14:34:00.002-06:00

Had to go get my epo shot this morning, stopped at the post office to mail the bridesmaid dress Kristin left here, and then went to the post office, made a bank deposit, and then took Benson for a walk. Whew . .

Oh yes, speaking of bridesmaid dresses. Funny story. Kristin had gone to her friend's bridal shower. They had scheduled a "pole dancing" class as part of the shower. Kristin didn't go, she didn't feel comfortable with it. I was confused. I said "they actually have classes to teach pole dancing?" I was thinking about when I was growing up and they taught us how to dance around the maypole.

Wrong pole dancing.

I shared the story with my nurse this morning and she got a big kick out of it. Laughed and Laughed.

Thanksgiving 2010 and Beyond

2010-11-30T19:09:00.003-06:00

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my son and daughter-in-law's house. We had a lot of family there and enjoyed spending time with each other.

Kristin's car broke down. She's driven that Nissan for eleven years now and has an emotional attachment to that car. It has

over 180,000 miles on it and still runs but the

motor mounts are shot, the struts are shot and

the mechanic said there were so many other things it would

be costly to repair. So she's keeping it and just

using it to get to church and groceries and

will rent a car when she needs to come home. Public

transit is awesome where she is so she really

doesn't need a car to get around there. We drove her back home Saturday night after Steve got off work and then came back yesterday morning. It was a crazy weekend but was worth

every minute of it.

I love my family . . .

Over the past couple of days I've been thinking alot about goals

for next year. I really want to be a better person than I am and sometimes I just flat get lazy and don't do the things I should. I want to change that and focus on the things that really matter most and not get lost in the rest.

Remembering When

2010-11-24T09:49:00.002-06:00

There are so many things we take for granted in our life. Every once in awhile we need to stop and remember it is only by the grace of God we have them in our life. The coolness of an air conditioner in summer and the warmth of a heater in winter; a washing machine - as I am washing my clothes right now and not in a bath tub or a sink; transportation to take me to the store or church or whatever (even though I don't have it all the time any more, I still have it); food on the table; clean water to drink and help me with my dialysis; a wonderful family; good friends; and the gospel. Oh yes - dialysis - it allows me to live. So thank you NxStage for giving me my kidney and thank you Heavenly Father for giving the guidance and inspiration to create such a machine.

I was reading an article on line yesterday out of the CNN news site and it was on a man with dialysis. They over dramatize those things so much. The article made kidney disease sound like a death sentence. Its not. Maybe if you're 80 something and in poor health - but there are so many options now to keep you alive. I like doing dialysis at home because it gives me more energy and the ability to live my life better.

I remember when I was in high school my mother had me take some kind of a test to see if I had poly-cystic kidney disease (PKD); nothing was definitive but they told me to hold on to my lab results to show doctors in the future. There was a shadow of some kind and they thought there was a chance I might have PKD. When I was 30 I was having horrible stomach cramps. They had ran all kinds of tests to see what it could be and one of them was a sonogram. I remember I was laying on the table when the technician said "Oh, wow"; then excused himself to go get the doctor. When the doctor came in to look at the monitor he told me I had multiple cysts on my kidneys. I left feeling numb.

I went to work the next day and the attorney I was working for told my co-workers I had just received a death sentence. Isn't that funny? Don't we all have a death sentence the minute we are born? As one of my friends says "we all have an expiration date."

My husband at that time was so sympathetic - he said, "at least you don't have diabetes". Kind of funny because now I do and I am on dialysis. Sometimes when someone finds out I'm on dialysis, they ask if I'm diabetic. I tell them yes, but that's not why I'm on dialysis. My kidney disease is genetic.

My mother had PKD, my sister has PKD, I have PKD, my son has PKD. I can't figure out where it hit before my mother. I suspect my grandfather because he died in his early 60's from heart disease and it's possible he didn't live long enough to present kidney problems. Generally speaking PKD is generational, however, every once in a while someone will develop PKD out of no where, but that is highly unusual.

I'm so grateful technology has improved to the point I can have quality in my life and the ability to do the things I need to do and enjoy my life.

Leaks . . .

2010-11-23T13:35:00.000-06:00

Got up a little late yesterday but got my SAK started so I could dialysis last night.

I was getting Steve's lunch ready for him to take to work when I realized Sunday on the way home from taking Kristin to the airport the little yellow light had come on letting me know I was low on gas. Since Steve gets off too late to put gas in the car I drove him to McKinney for work. Only problem was, I had a 3:00 hair appointment with my Heidi. I tried to call her and the number I had for her didn't work. I left her a note on the door and took off to take him to work. My hair is looking a little shaggy so I was disappointed. She can't see me again this week; so I'll just have to make it work for now.

I went visit teaching last night and got to visit my favorite friend, Karen, with another one of my favorite friend's. Rosilyn brought her really small Yorkie with her and Karen just fell in love with Tas the minute we walked in the door. She'd like another dog but her husband says no; much to her disappointment.

I was thinking (first mistake) I'd start my treatment when I got home. I got home and the alarm on the PureFlow was sounding off and I was frustrated. "What now?" I had been sure to flush my lines earlier to make sure there would be no problem. When I got to the PureFlow and opened the door I saw dialysate floating around the SAK and not in it. I checked my connections and they were secure so it was the SAK that failed. Rushed back to the supply room and picked up two hanging bag boxes and set the machine up with bags.

Anyway, since all of this was delayed Steve had to wait an hour after he got off work for me to come. He was so cool about it. He sat in one of the motorized carts at the store, drank a soda, and read his book. When we got home he helped me get the fluid out of the PureFlow. Finally got to bed around 2 this morning.

Crazy, busy, day

2010-11-20T16:55:00.000-06:00

Jumped out of bed this morning, threw my clothes on, and drove out to the airport to pickup my daughter at the car rental place. Drove from there to Arlington to pick up some of her Dad's clothes and car; then stopped to get the car inspected and drove home. Drove Steve to work and then drove to Stephen's house to drop off all of the stuff left in my car and to talk about disability with Jim. He was released from the hospital yesterday and is staying at Stephen's house. Rushed back home and now, whew!!!! Breathe for a couple of minutes and get my dialysis going.
Busy day. . . but it is beautiful outside. The trees are changing colors and the breeze is blowing. Truly beautiful and worth every minute of the rush just to be outside in it.

Spending Time With My Favorite Girl

2010-11-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

My daughter flew in for some meeting for work and got to stay overnight at the Galleria. Lucky thing. She had a break after she landed and we got to go to lunch. Our favorite place to eat together is La Madeleine's. We decided to get together somewhere close to Love Field. We'd eaten there once before but couldn't remember exactly where it was. I started driving and pulled into the one on Preston and ran in to ask where a location was close to where I was going. He said "Royal Lane, no that's not it, Northwest Highway, maybe . . . wait" . . another man comes to the counter and says its at Northwest Highway and Midway. So I call her and we connect. I love spending time with my kids. We had a nice lunch and off we went our separate paths. I've seen her more in the last few months than in years. I love being able to spend time with my family. They are awesome!

He's always been there

2010-11-18T13:59:00.000-06:00

I'm still pondering the questions I was asked last night by the MiaMaids (if that's what they're called now). I was driving over to meet Kristin earlier today and thoughts came to me remembering so many times he's shown his hand to me and my children. The list is so long its hard to remember them all. I remember when I was going through my divorce in the late 80's the time I heard his voice; I remember during that same period when I was just wanting my mother's arms around me and found myself in a classroom sobbing. In walked Barbara Hammond. She was a large woman and would have been my mother's age. Barbara sat down, put her arms around me, and just held me. I remember on the night my mother died seeing her walk through the room. When Stephen was a baby and I was trying to nurse him; one morning I woke up and nothing I did would settle him down. I was tired and emotional and he was frustrated because he was hungry. There was a knock at the door and when I opened the door an elderly woman was standing there. She came in held him, fed him formula and I slept. I just knew everything would be all right. There has always been someone there when I needed help. I know God sent them for me. The list goes on and on, but ultimately, I know God knows me.


Hope on the Horizon - By Greg Olson

This morning my nurse asked me how I knew he knew me. The past couple of years have been really difficult, however, through it all, I have felt his peace, warmth, and comfort. I've learned to trust him. It has always worked out. Maybe not the way I thought it would or hoped it would, but it has worked. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father.

I Can Be Such a Ditz!

2010-11-17T23:23:00.001-06:00

Eliza called and asked if I could come to the chapel tonight to be interviewed by the young woman. I said sure. Worked at the family history library this morning, got home and packed Steve's lunch, walked the dogs, and when he left . . . I settled in and put on my absolute favorite things . . my pink flannel pj's. About 7:20 the phone rang . . it was Eliza . . "Sister Kerr, are you still coming to the chapel?" Oops!!! I didn't have a car and was in my pj's. As I quickly threw on different clothes; I was calling like crazy to catch a ride to the chapel. Thanks Geniel! It was a good experience though. They are beautiful young women and were asking questions I didn't have answers for without some thought. It was a good opportunity. Embarrassing for forgetting, but good.

Caught up on my laundry tonight. Clean sheets. I love it. Why do I deny myself some of the little things I love most. I need to do a better job of taking care of me.

Remarkable Family

2010-11-16T12:27:00.001-06:00

This has been a challenging month for our family. My children's father wound up hospitalized for multiple reasons, but regardless, it has been a time of growth and challenge and stress for them. I stand awed at the strength I have seen in them and am proud of them and comforted to know they can step in and do what is required. Also amazing to me is my dear Steve. How many men would go to their wife's ex-husband's apartment and help cleanup. We all found Jim had been hoarding things. My kids (Stephen, Kristin, and Holli) all went over and cleaned up his apartment. It's been a monumental task, but there were several large black bags of trash hauled out and Steve was right there helping. He amazes me.

I just watched "Nie-Nie's" "New Life" video on Mormon messages. She's an amazing woman. I think I lose my view of who I am sometimes and need to remember I am a daughter of God and he knows me.

During dialysis last night I started throwing up. I don't know if it was a virus or something I ate, but it was miserable. Fortunately Sue was here and helped me and when Steve got home he cleaned things up. I crawled into bed and Steve gave me a blessing. I feel much better today.

Got up this morning and took my shower, ate a bagel, and took the dogs for a walk.

Today is Steve's 61st birthday. We are getting older.

Pakistan - Where's the money coming from?

2010-11-15T15:13:00.000-06:00

I'm very confused. Can someone help me clear this up? Where is the money coming from? Isn't the US in debt and broke? When I'm broke, which is most of the time, I would love to contribute to all of the agencies who call me on the phone, but I don't. I politely explain I'd love to, but the money doesn't exist in our household. Shouldn't the US do the same?

May 19, 2010 -

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced Tuesday that the United States would provide $110 million in additional humanitarian aid to assist as many as two million Pakistanis forced out of their homes by intensified fighting in and around the Swat Valley.

July 19 2010 - Hillary Rodham Clinton -

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced amass of aid projects for Pakistan to the tune of $500 million dollars. These are part of a $7.5 billion aid effort to win over Pakistanis.

August 20 2010

US government increased aid for flooding to $150 million dollars.

Monday 15 November 2010 - ft.com

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/96492710-de06-11df-88cc-00144feabdc0.html#ixzz15O4sxxdx

Hillary Clinton said the US will provide Pakistan with $2 billion a year in military aid over at least four years

Losing a Friend

2010-11-12T18:50:00.000-06:00

Our sweet Gabby passed away this morning.

She had been ill for awhile but her pain got so much worse we had no choice but to let her pass. Gabby had gotten so confused and was in pain all of the time. She had been a part of our family for about 14 years now. We took her to Dr. Hanks this morning. She was so compassionate.

She will be missed for years to come.

Hard to Believe - Its September!

2010-09-06T23:40:00.003-05:00

I found a new blog today I've not visited before. http://www.beinglds.blogspot.com/. They're celebrating family this month and are having tons of give aways. Its a neat site and I've included their button on my site. They are encouraginig everyone to put the button on their site to celebrate family.

After an awfully hot summer, its so nice to have a little relief in some cooler weather. We're still waiting to hear back from Bank of America on our loan modification. We submitted paperwork this time back in February and supposedly we have gone through underwriting and are waiting on a "packet". You just sometimes want to give up, but I keep holding out to hear something. For the time being, our needs are met. We are living tight, but still find joy in our days.

The past month has been a rough one on dialysis. Supply problems. Today went well though. I get a delivery tomorrow of new supplies. Hopefully no problems this time around. Its frustrating. I spent alot of time on the phone with technical support this month.

Busy day

2010-06-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

Got up early this morning and filled a service assignment at the temple. Hard work but it was fun. Got home and did my treatment, cooked dinner for Steve to eat when he gets home, cleaned up the kitchen, mopped the floor and am now going to bed.

A Friend Departed

2010-06-04T23:32:00.000-05:00

When I first started my dialysis treatments, I got back to working on my genealogy. Donna Freeman contacted me and invited me to join the Stewart family site. We emailed back and forth, prayed for each other, and just kept in touch. I grew very fond of her. I had written her a couple of emails and didn't hear back and was concerned. I knew she had heart problems. I got back onto the family site today and discovered she had died last October. It tugged at my heart strings, because I really felt like I'd gotten to know her. As I read her obituary I became even more impressed. She didn't hesitate when faced with challenges, she just kept working on them. She grew a beautiful garden and was very involved in local politics in her area. She will be missed by many. She just wanted to get together in Sallisaw Oklahoma for a reunion, hopefully that reunion will still happen sometime in the future.

Another girl pays the price and McDonalds

2010-06-04T14:54:00.000-05:00

So it appears Joran van der Sloot was arrested for allegedly killing another girl. He was arrested in Chile and is being extradited to Peru. He was the key suspect in the murder of a US girl, Natalee Holloway. It would seem he may finally pay for what he's done. Its just too bad they couldn't convict him for the death of Natalee before he had the chance to kill another girl. I can't help but wonder how many others there are out there we know nothing about.

Another interesting thing in the news today - McDonald's has ran an ad in France, clearly pro-homosexual. "In the past, the American Family Association conducted a lengthy and effective boycott of McDonald's over its previous pro-homosexual policies. That ended when McDonald's officials conceded they would be neutral in the future. Johnson contends the ad is a clear violation of that, and he says he is already in a boycott mode. AFA reports it is trying to reach McDonald's officials for a response." One News Now - Boycott time again?

Been trying to get a loan modification on our mortgage "this time" since early April. This is my third try on this rodeo. It looks like its progressing though. 45 days to go.

Now I've settled down

2010-06-03T13:15:00.000-05:00

Going through camera pics taken over the past couple of weeks and ran across these. My sister had flown in town a few years ago and I had been down to her hotel to visit her. On the way back, dark had settled in and I was driving down the freeway and saw this opposite me on the freeway -

Somehow I found humor in this. Casket store . boxes to go. So when i was driving back form Austin last week with my daughter I made her stop, went onto the service road no cars were coming and I jumped out of the car and took the picture. Bad example for my daughter I know, but I wanted to preserve this for history. It had been just an awful time when we were in the final stages with Helen. So, when I saw this I laughed so hard.

Speaking of my daughter - she's coming home. Well close enough, she'll have her own place and only be a couple of hours away instead of 24. These are her new digs.

Finally - here are my kids. It was my son's birthday the night after we returned and so we met at IHOP and ate for his birthday.

DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit)

2010-06-02T15:02:00.003-05:00

Can I say I'm angry with DART
today . . he

Yes I can!

Bureaucracy . . don't you love it! I had an appointment with my dr. at the dialysis center this afternoon at 1:30. Since we're down to one car and Steve had to be at work at that time, and I am trying to be self-sufficient and not a burden on anyone else, I called DART to check on using the transportation system to get me home. I see the little yellow flex-line bus pass my house several times a day so I figured no problem. Wrong! Anyway, I called them and they said yes, the flex-line bus could pick me up at my dialysis center and bring me close to the nearest stop to my home. I called today as soon as my appointment was over and he said he could pick me up at 2:07. I asked if they would come to the door or should I stand out front. He said if I could be at the curb it would be helpful. So at 2:10 I called as I hadn't been picked up and was told they were caught in traffic but on the way there. At about 2:20 I see the van on Shiloh turning and going north - not south to where I was. I called ... reply "can't cross Plano Parkway". I'd have to walk up to Plano parkway to be picked up. Started walking up there and he picks me up nearly there. At that point, he said I'd have to be at 14th and Shiloh to be picked up in the future and then after I gave him my fare, I was told he'd have to drop me at Shiloh and Park. Didn't have time to stop at my stop. By this time I was frustrated. Oh yes, I was carrying a box of dialysis supplies in my arms all this time as well. So I got off in front of Albertson's and started walking home. He passed me walking not once, but twice. Didn't have time though to drop me at Peachtree though. I'm ticked! Did I mention its 90 plus degrees here today?

Yesterday was interesting. I woke up at 6:45 a.m. to hear the missionaries vacuuming their room. When I approached them about it, didn't get a real friendly reply.

On an up note, I got my laundry done and got my ironing done yesterday. Big accomplishment though. I felt like my insides were going to fall out before I had finished the ironing, but I got it done!

Getting warmer

2010-05-11T15:56:00.000-05:00

Wow 90 degrees today. The weather has been like riding on a roller-coaster here. Up and down. If you don't like the weather in Texas one day, hold on, the next day the weather will be different. Yesterday we had high winds, the sky was overcast, and it was chilly. Not so today.

My roses are beautiful this year. They're both double knock out roses. The red one is a year older than the pink. The red one looks like it is on fire.

A couple of years ago I started working on the front yard. The west side of the yard just wouldn't grow anything. Most of the dirt would wash into the street every time it rained. Because of my kidneys going bad, my bones had become very brittle. In the course of a year I had broken both my right and left wrist, and my upper left arm. To make a long story short, I found myself skooting on my backside planting jasmine through a very hot summer. Last year, it was disappointing. I would never recommend jasmine as a fast grower, but this year, its filling in nicely.

My vegetables are doing really well also. Most particularly the squash, cucumber, and cantaloupe.

I've also been enjoying strawberries on a daily basis.

Happy Mothers Day - 2010

2010-05-09T14:36:00.001-05:00

The church service was lovely today. They handed out big candy bars to all of the moms. Of course, mine went to Steve since sugar is off limits to me.

We met with the bishop after church today and reviewed our budget. Came home and Steve is on the couch asleep with his head rocking back and forth. Sue is asleep at the kitchen table.

It rained hard last night and I slept through it. The back yard is muddy big time. My veggies are all growing great though.

There's a new book on genealogy available for free online. "Getting Started in Genealogy Online", by William Dollarhide. You have to go to the WorldVitalRecords.com site to download the book, but as I've gone through it lightly this afternoon, I am finding all kind of information to use.

Happy mothers day to all, whether you are a mother, soon to be mother, or have a mother in your life.

His hands

2010-05-07T11:58:00.000-05:00

My visiting teachers were here this morning. I love it when they come to visit. They reminded me of a talk given in our last General Conference by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He shared a story that happened during the bombing of a city in World War II. A large statue of Jesus Christ was severely damaged. When the townspeople found the statue among the rubble, they mourned because it had been a beloved symbol of their faith and of God’s presence in their lives.

Experts were able to repair most of the statue, but its hands had been damaged so severely that they could not be restored. Some suggested that they hire a sculptor to make new hands, but others wanted to leave it as it was—a permanent reminder of the tragedy of war. Ultimately, the statue remained without hands. However, the people of the city added on the base of the statue of Jesus Christ a sign with these words: “You are my hands.”

It caused me to pause and reflect. I heard the talk back in April but had forgotten it. This week I've found myself grumbling about some of the things I'm required to do, but then this reminds me why I'm doing them. No more grumbling.

After all, he paid a much bigger price for me.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Jesus Christ by Greg Olsen. It reminds me of his personal love and care of each one of us.

Mowed the yard this morning. Actually the front and the side yards. More tonight when it cools down. Summer weather is here. Still not too hot yet though. Just hot enough.

Been way too long since I've written

2010-05-06T22:32:00.000-05:00

It's amazing what you are capable of doing. Its been over a year since my life changed forever. Its been a rough year, but a good one. October 2008 Steve lost his job; December 2008, I started dialysis and went on disability.

Right now we have the sister missionaries living with us. They've been with us for several months now. A few months ago, a lady from our church moved in with us. There are days I'd like to put a no vacancy sign in the yard.

When I start to grumble, I remember life could be a whole lot worse and go on. Its a good time of year in my yard. I am finally seeing the payoff of all the hard work last year getting my garden beds together. I have tomato plants growing, squash, zucchini, peas, beans, peppers, cucumber, and cantaloupe plants as well. Oh yes, and my strawberries. Love the strawberries.

We sold Steve's truck last week. It was a heartbreaking thing for him. He loved his truck. It was a huge sacrifice for him but will be worth it in the end.

My daughter just came back from Italy. She spent a week there and had a wonderful time. The pics she posted today were beautiful. Lots of them, but I'll post a few.

Another month - Another year

2010-02-24T13:58:00.000-06:00

I turned 59 this past week. Just one a way from 60. We had a ward party and the theme was reunion. Everyone walked around with a tag on with the year they graduated. I felt sooooo very old.

I shouldn't complain. At least I'm still living on the green side of the lawn.

Steve brought me flowers, my son and his wife took me out to eat, and my daughter ordered me something from Amazon they quickly put on backorder. My sister is so talented. She quilts and made me a beautiful quilt and sent it with some other goodies.

I worked my last shift at the temple Saturday night. I've been volunteering for the past year but have found it too wearing on me.

Life moves on and we all face our challenges.

ShabbyBlogsDividerH

2010-01-16T11:18:00.001-06:00

ShabbyBlogsDividerH
Originally uploaded by diannekerr@verizon.net

Let see if I can make this work

Haiti

2010-01-16T10:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday two of the nurses from DaVita Grapevine came over to the house to do a visit. When they were leaving, I told them I'd been struggling with some depression. They reminded me that life could be worse. I knew that, but this morning when doing some news reading online, I came across this incredible blog and thought I'd share some of it. Its a 20's age couple who got married in December and went to Haiti to teach and assist after their wedding. First, how impressive is that and second, I can't imagine going through what they are struggling with now. Anyway, their website is http://www.benandkatieinhaiti.com/.

Their is one part of their blog when she wrote "This morning at 5, same as yesterday morning, there were Haitian worship services around the neighborhood. In the ravine behind our house- where the destruction was total and Ben saw them pulling out bodies- they were singing "Count your Blessings". " Amazing . . .

On the homefront, I've finally got all the trim painted on my cabinets and the drawers painted and in place.My home is to get the door fronts painted this week and hung. Then they will be done. Finally!

I've Made it Another Year - and No Hospital Stays for the Past Year

2010-01-14T19:32:00.000-06:00

After having been in the hospital so many times over the past few years, it was so cool when I realized I hadn't been in one for a year.

Also this past month I hit a major milestone. No comment from the skinny ones, but I am down to a size 14. I haven't been there for 20 plus years.
I walked around doing a dance for the better part of a week.

My daughter surprised me and showed up for Christmas. I was on my dialysis machine when she called and said that her package for me should be on the porch. I told her I'd check when I was through my treatment. She finally admitted she was the package. She was here for a few days. It was great to see her. She is an amazing woman.

I've been struggling some over the past couple of weeks with depression. Part of it is just the amount of confusion at home. The cabinets in the kitchen are still dismantled and spread out over the family room.

This morning after praying, I turned on the music and just started working at it. I actually finished the trim tonight and painted the drawers. An accomplishment. But I'm ready to get it done and over.

Swine Flu

2009-11-06T13:09:00.007-06:00

On Yahoo today in an AP article written by By Mike Stobbe, AP Medical Writer, I read that only 1/3 of Americans are able to get the swine flu vaccine. They showed a graphic (shown below).

It appears from the graphic that Texas and California got the largest number of vaccines. Texas got 1,170,400 vaccines. If that's the case, where are they? My doctors group hasn't been able to get the vaccine. My dialysis center said they had no allocations for in center patients, and only enough for 1/3 of the patients out center (those doing home dialysis). I've seen the Dallas County Health Department has vaccine for people living in Dallas County who are uninsured. What about the rest of the population?

The craziest thing I've every seen. Really kind of ticks me off. My husband's niece (also living in Texas) and her children all had the swine flu. My nephews In Utah and their wives and children also had the swine flu. Fortunately, they all survived it. I think this administration really dropped the ball on this. Sigh.

Cool thing, not for my cholesterol, but Sister Beetso taught us how to make fried Navajo bread this week.

Today was busy, my visiting teachers were here first thing this morning and then the Relief Society president was here.

They had a missionary zone conference today at our chapel. Our ward fed them lunch. I brought potatoes over and then came back to help at the end of the conference. It was amazing. The chapel was full of young men and young women serving as missionaries. The Lord's army.

I took the dogs for a walk and then got on my machine. I like it so much better when I get on earlier. Fewer mistakes.

Another new month - don't forget to change your clocks!

2009-11-01T08:25:00.003-06:00

I can't believe its the end of October and that November is tomorrow. It feels like its been a long 10 months and yet it seems to have flown by quickly as well. They say the older you get the faster the days go by and they're right.

Since I last wrote many changes have taken place in my life. The sister missionaries from our church have moved into the spare room here at home. They are wonderful. They bring alot of energy into my life and are good company when Steve is at work. Last night was great. They had bought miniature candy bars and attached pass along cards to them and handed them out to the kids when they came ringing on the door for halloween. It was so cute, one little boy was so excited and said to his Mom "It's God Candy!"

When they moved in we had Sister Richardson and Sister Finnell. They did transfers last week and so now we have Sister Richardson and Sister Beetso. Sister Richardson is from Utah and Sister Beetso is from Arizona. Sister Finnell was from California.

We had the garage sale of all garage sales. We cleaned alot of extras out of the house and over two weekends sold made about $2000.

I have become more comfortable with dialysis at home. I'm not near as anxious when I get on any more.

They called me to be a family history consultant. I work at the Family History Library on Tuesday afternoons. So far its been fairly quiet while I am there. I ordered two tapes of information on Independence County Arkansas and went through them and don't find any records on my family there. What was interesting was that they were court records and I found alot of the same people on the court records. Unfortunately, none were mine.

Daylight savings time. I forgot to change my clocks last night. Its an hour earlier than I thought when I got up.

Updates

2009-10-06T11:12:00.004-05:00

Wow . . . its been about a month since I last posted. Its been "the best of times and the worst of times."

Getting home after spending a month of training in Grapevine to learn how to do dialysis at home was joyful for me. I was soooooo glad to be home.

However, once here, it was trying. I must have made nearly every mistake on the book. The staff at Davita in Grapevine was most helpful and patient with me. I found a new group of friends on the NxStage Users forum. I found I wasn't the only one who had to learn the hard way and that even after being comfortable with the process, you still can make mistakes. They have been very supportive.

At one point I was ready to throw my hands in the air and one of the ladies on the forum wrote back "take a breath and know it will get better" . . .

Financially we are still struggling. Steve went to work for WalMart and we are most greatful for his job, but last year he was making $18 an hour and now, less than half of that. Fortunately for us, I still draw disability from my church job and social security. It would be devastating without that. Its interesting how its supposed to be illegal to discriminate based on age, but they do . . . and we have found many others facing the same issue. Its wrong to be at this point in life and find this happening, but greatfully we have been blessed with help from our church.

We are having a "clutter to cash" garage sale in two weeks, hoping to bring in enough to pay off the IRS and maybe a credit card. Instead of purchasing needs versus wants at this point, we will be selling the wants we already possess. One of the men from church is coming over on Friday to help post things on Craigslist for me.

Anyway, we were blessed this month to have a pair of sister missionaries move into our home. They are working with the spanish in our community. They are delightful and great company when they are here.

The other HUGE blessing was that my dialysis at home is now going without error. No blood spills or error messages at this point.

All in all, I fell blessed. I think the negatives won't be so bad when I get my Zoloft refilled :)

Mark Mabry has come up with another picture slide slow on the Savior and I am adding it below.

Surviving

2009-09-11T08:20:00.003-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been challenging. Using NxStage at home by myself has been hard. There have been days when I just wanted to give up, but I've kept going. I have finally got the procedure with the machine down pat now; my challenge now is keeping my arterial pressures in range.

There's a user group for NxStage. They have been a wonderful help for me. Very supportive.

I have finally decided I need someone here with me when I get on my machine. Yesterday my son came over, the day before, Linda S. came over, and the day before that I had Steve here. Getting off is no problem,I just need someone here when I get on. Yesterday I had to adjust my needles and so it was good to have my son here to help.

Woke up this morning to find it raining and my sprinklers were going like crazy. We really need to get a sensor on our water line.

I'm Home, I'm Free!

2009-08-23T22:05:00.005-05:00

I finished my month long training at the Grapevine Davita Center for in home dialysis. They were wonderful and so knowledgeable.

I did my first treatment Friday at home! The nurse from the center came over and assisted me and then she will be back tomorrow.

My energy level is so much better than I can remember having in years. SO MUCH BETTER than in center dialysis. I am so greatful.

When I did my hemodialysis on Friday I felt so much better being in my own home.

My blood pressure has gone way down too. Its all good!

Here's a picture of my new lifeline.

I've read that some of those using this machine have given them names. So I thought "thumper". With my renewed energy, I thought of the energizer bunny, but thats too long of a name, so bunny - thumper - also the machine kind of makes a thumping noise when its priming. What do you think? Any other suggestions?

A Little More Confident

2009-08-07T21:33:00.002-05:00

I've just completed week two on my training on NxStage to do home dialysis. Feeling a bit more confident, for some reason having a little problem getting off the machine, but I am able to set up ok. Troubleshooting seems a little scary to me, glad we have a manual.

They are sending a plumber out on Tuesday to put a line and drain in and will be sending home the Pureflow part of the equipment on Monday.

Steve is so cute. He's been trying to figure out how to lay out the furniture. I've seen him and his measuring tape checking on things.

Took the dogs for a short walk when we got back this afternoon. Went with one of my friends over to prepare for the clothing exchange tomorrow morning at church.

Tired, signing off, and going to bed. Gotta get up early (while its still cool) so I can pull weeds out of the front bed.

NxStage

2009-08-03T15:50:00.003-05:00

I'm learning just how awkward and clumsy I can be. Last week I started NxStage training. NxStage is a dialyzer that will allow me to do dialysis from home. I had been driving over there all last week and on Friday I got lost. Go figure.

I am really sold on NxStage. This is the start of my second week and I can already tell I have more energy. I'd like to make my way through just one time without making a mistake.

Today when I went I did something that caused the bags to leak all over the floor.

On the way back today ................. I really freaked. I didn't see the HOV sticks coming up on 635 and over compensated. I whipped to the right and lost total control of my car. Scared myself. At one point, I nearly went off the overpass. Praise Heavenly Father, he didn't let me and somehow kept me from hitting anyone else.

I am still a little shaken but very greatful.

Normal Lives

2009-07-24T21:17:00.003-05:00

Its been a great week. A week with lots of change in my life and growth.

Walking the dogs tonight, I glanced over to my right and saw a family through their dining room window, eating their dinner. I was reminded at that moment, most of us live very normal lives, in normal homes. Not the homes you see on tv on HGTV, but normal living; with laundry to do, dishes to wash, floors to clean, and toilets to scrub. The lives we see on tv are just lives on a stage, not the reality. We need to be grateful for our simple lives.

This past Monday I got a call from DaVita in Grapevine. They wanted to come over and do an inspection on the house to see if it would be viable for home dialysis. She came over the next afternoon and when she was leaving asked if I was ready to start this coming Monday for training on NxStage. It floored me because I wasn't expecting it until the end of August. What a surprise, a good surprise. I said goodbye to all of my friends at the center in Plano this morning.

I'm not sure why this was advanced up a month, but it will be interesting to see why down the road. Its kind of in wonderment. I'm anxious to see the Lord's purpose in all of this.

On another bright note, Steve got paid today from the contractor he's been doing work for.

Saturday afternoon

2009-07-18T14:43:00.006-05:00

This has been a different week for me. I went out Tuesday to the DaVita in Grapevine to meet with the nurses there who are going to train me to do dialysis at home. It looks like it'll start end of August and I'll probably start at home in October. I'm so thrilled. It will give more energy and the ability to have a bit more of a life.

I've spent this week down on my knees. When we had the tile in our kitchen and family room installed, (I'm too embarrassed to say how long ago), anyway, the installer didn't get the grout out of the pits in the tile (its supposed to look like travertine). In spite of mopping and scrubbing, nothing would bring it out. So this week, I've tried using a wire brush and a can opener (the kind you'd use to open pop bottles or canned milk). Anyway, I've made huge progress. I've got about half of it done and hope to have it done by the end of this week. It looks soooo much better.

Gotta go, off to the temple. Funny story. When I worked as the secretary, I'd asked for a color printer. Didn't happen. So when I went in Thursday morning to volunteer, it came out he'd bought one for his office. I gave him a call and teased him. He said everyone had been told not to tell me. So much for secrecy.

A House Full of Blessings

2009-07-05T10:00:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here watching my daughter and one of her friends sound asleep. The house is full of her friends. They got in this morning around 4 from San Antonio. My daughter got here a week ago, some of her friends got here and on Wednesday and the remainder on Thursday. They spent Thursday doing things in our area and left on Friday to San Antonio. They leave today. When I got up to eat breakfast this morning, I found a corner in the back of the house to eat.

Going to Sacrament this morning and then back home to see them off.

Daughter's Home!

2009-06-27T15:08:00.002-05:00

My daughter came in from Utah last night. She drove all the way here by herself (and her dog). She got in about 2:00 early this morning. She'll be here for about a week and a half. I love it when she's around.

My son came over for a while this afternoon to visit with her as well. We're having a family dinner tomorrow night with everyone here.

The heat has been oppressive this week. Even the dogs aren't wanting to go outside.

Dialysis went well last week, my access site is progressing well. We are starting next week with the blunt needles and I start poking myself again. Fingers crossed that we can get this going so I can get my training over with and my NXStage set up at home.

Neal Maxwell

2009-06-19T23:08:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here as I type listening to a talk by Neal Maxwell from 1974. I am so greatful for technology. I loved him as an apostle and his messages and instruction have always brought me great comfort. Now listening to his voice, I feel such joy.

Dialysis went well today. I came home, walked the dogs,did some cleaning, and went through papers.

Joe Matheney and Darrell Morie were here today and mowed my front yard. I am so greatful for their service and proud of them as young men. This new generation coming forth gives me such hope.

Gratitude

2009-06-19T12:42:00.001-05:00

I wanted to take a moment and express my gratitude to those silent angels who have been such a blessing to me in my life. The quiet acts of kindness shown to me and for the many things that have been done to make my life easier. Thank you.

Hello Again

2009-06-18T20:35:00.003-05:00

Wow . . . I know its been a while since I wrote last.

Saw the doctor today and I'm having surgery the end of the month for cataract removal. I feel so very old.

We've been doing a lot of freecycling this month. We had posted old magazines and one of the ladies from church turned out responding to the posting and got them.

I had a lady come by today to pick up one of the plants I posted. I like the site.

Went to Dave Ramsey's financial peace university week 3 last night.

Not much else. More later.

Success!!

2009-05-18T14:00:00.002-05:00

I did it! I managed to stick both of my needles in this morning at dialysis. I didn't even get queasy. I came home, ate, walked the dogs, and . .. don't yell at me Jeanette - I mowed the yard. With all the rain it had gotten up just too high.
Fortunately, with all the garden beds its not near as bad as it used to be.

A great Sunday

2009-05-17T23:07:00.003-05:00

Today felt like what Sunday is supposed to be. Church this morning was great. I even saw Brother Schroeder shed a few tears. I told him he was getting more weepy as he was getting older.

Karen did a great job in Sunday School and Heather stepped right in for Relief Society since Peggy was sick. I hope nothing serious. Margaret picked the 7th Article of Faith for the practice song and I think it threw a few people off track.

We got home, ate some baked potatoes, took the dogs for a short walk,and took a nap. Woke up at 6:45 and had wanted to go to Nancy's Dad's fireside so we hightailed it up there. It was on the First Vision of Joseph Smith and brought up some interesting things I wasn't aware of. It was really a good fireside and we got home about 8:30. Spent quite a while talking (which is not usual for us), but it was good. Heading for bed.

Oh my grass seed wasn't totally wasted. I see little spots of Bermuda poking their heads up out of the soil. Yeah!

Tomorrow I get to start putting my needles in myself. Keep a prayer for me that it goes well.

Rain rain go away, come again another day

2009-05-16T11:07:00.002-05:00

I remember singing this when I was much, much, younger. I thought I was going to mow the lawn this morning, I guess I have other things to focus on today. The Lord has taken care of watering my garden.

The power went off this morning at about 3:30 a.m. I know because Steve had a nightmare and it woke us both up. The lights went off and on and off an on and then just off. What was amazing is that somehow in the middle of the night, I remembered TXU's emergency number. I called them and got a young lady in India wanting to know if my neighbor's lights were off as well. I told her it was 3:30 in the morning and I had no way of knowing. I went back to sleep and sometime later they came back on. Not sure when.

Stephen (my son) called me yesterday afternoon and had met a man (Ralph) who owned an electrical contracting company. He was here in Plano and does solar panels and windmills, etc. He told him about Steve and he said he wanted to meet him. We called and left him a message and he called back. He's suppose to set up an appointment with Steve sometime on Monday. I talked to Stephen this morning and told him we'd spoken with Ralph and he said "God really does answer prayers". His testimony is there, but this really confirmed to him that his prayers were answered. What a blessing.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. We're excited. He said he has plenty of work.

Wednesday and bathing of two dogs

2009-05-13T17:16:00.003-05:00

Wow. I actually stayed out of the yard today. Yesterday I planted herbs and begonias. Well actually I almost forgot I did put a bag of mulch down this morning w
when I got home from dialysis.

With finances tight I've had to stop taking the dogs to the groomer and today tried my hand at grooming them. Not groomer quality, but ok. Lots of water everywhere and one of the dogs kept trying to escape but generally did really well.

Housework today - oh my!

2009-05-06T12:14:00.002-05:00

Left dialysis this morning wearing a fashionable white smock top. I had gone in with my green shirt on and about 30 minutes before I was through I woke up to see a big puddle of blood on it. Apparently, I had laid on my connection while sleeping and . . . the rest is history. They wouldn't let me leave without putting on this white thing so as to not freak the rest of the world out.

Got home and took the dogs for a walk and now, housework.

Yesterday, I put out the last of the grass seed over the grass seed I planted on Saturday since I am almost positive its all gone down the alley. I put the sprinklers on this morning to water it and it rained. Oh well.

The end of another Monday

2009-05-04T21:31:00.001-05:00

Today was just a quiet day. I got back from dialysis, took the dogs for a walk, rested, and did indexing on familysearch.

What a week!

2009-05-01T15:02:00.013-05:00

Sorry I've been so slow in writing. The past two weeks really have been yard work, yard work, and more yard work. I've really over done things. Whatever happened to "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." I haven't learned this lesson, in spite of one particular temple presidency trying to teach it to me.

I just feel compelled to get as much done as I can. Anyway, yesterday I planted 60+ plants. 5 trays of impatience, 5 trays of vinca, a basil plant, another tomatoe plant, 4 more plants of asian jasmine for the bed that is my major project after a year, and a honeysuckle. Needless to say, when it was time to get up this morning to go to dialysis I slept through the clock. They called me at 6:30 and asked if I was coming. I was so embarrassed. Some poor older gentleman sitting on a chair with his hand on his walker was waiting for me to get off. I apologized profusely. Dyann Bennett came to see me and I was so glad to see her.

Anyway, I thought I'd post some of my prize pics.
I have buds in my mystery, victory, garden. When I planted the seeds, I forgot to mark them, so I don't know what's coming where. Its a surprise!

The bed I planted starts in has things growing, I haven't killed anything yet.

My strawberry plants have blossoms.

My iris plants are blooming.

And finally, my new plantings. My honeysuckle...

And my impatience and vinca -

So now,hopefully its just water, fertilize, and weed. No more planting till fall.

I know, I do need to fix the year on my camera.

I have this fun little game I play when I get bored during dialysis called "Bejeweled". The goal is to line jewels up 3 or more and then they disappear and you just keep going till you go up levels. I've been thinking alot about it this week and how it reminds me of consequences. As I move the jewels they reorder everything around them. This makes me think about how we exercise our agency not only affects us, but everyone around us.

Anyway. More later.

The last is in!

2009-04-21T15:22:00.002-05:00

The elders came over this afternoon and helped me by loading the dirt into the flower bed.

It took them only two hours to do what would have taken me days to get done. I'm so greatful!

I Have A Garden, A Lovely Garden . . .

2009-04-16T10:07:00.008-05:00

I kept waking up last night with every muscle in my body sore. I woke up sore and called in to the temple this morning to be sure my co-volunteer would be there and opted to stay home. I'll be there on Saturday, so I don't feel too guilty, (just a little).

I wandered out to my garden this morning and so far everything is still living. Here are a few pics. I have many other things growing and a whole other bed to put dirt in and plant in. I'm going to take a few days to get that one done though.

Everyone who is really into gardening tells me how much they love it. I can't honestly say I love the work, but I really love the results. To be totally honest, I think gardening for me is a form of therapy.

Sorry I'm Slow at Writing

2009-04-15T19:06:00.002-05:00

Wow . . . I've been at it again. We had eight yards of dirt delivered on Monday. It took me three days, but I finally have one of the planter boxes full of dirt. This afternoon I planted squash, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and cilantro. It felt good to get it done.

My rose bush is looking beautiful.

I'll post pictures tomorrow. Today, I'm beat.

Yard work

2009-04-01T15:36:00.007-05:00

Last week was a hard week for me. I started running fevers on Wednesday and didn't get rid of them until Sunday night. Monday was difficult as I came home very light headed after dialysis. Tuesday's are always my best days and yesterday was no exception to the rule. I planted some jasmine and vinca in my front lawn and came in feeling good about what I'd done, but tired.

The temple presidency sent me a get well card and it made me feel homesick. I'm just greatful I still get to see them once a week.

Steve has been busy building planter boxes for our vegetable garden. He had some old lumber and put it to good use. I've attached pictures of his progress thus far.

Dave Ramsey

2009-03-29T17:47:00.002-05:00

We went to see Dave Ramsey speak yesterday. I'm know his plan will help us to be in a better position when we reach our mid-60's. Not too far off.

Some of the things that struck a cord with me:
Poor is a state of mind. Broke is got no money, but I'm not staying here.

You have to focus and do things line upon line.

Take baby steps.

Its not over until you quit.

One more week gone

2009-03-27T20:32:00.005-05:00

Still running a fever. Dr.Biedermann came by and checked on me again. He prescribed some Levaquin for me. Hopefully this will kick it for me.

We get to see Dave Ramsey tomorrow. I'm looking forward to this.

I went today to help a dear friend dress her Mom for burial. Her Mom looked like she was in such a state of peace.

Justin Burrows, Nina Matheney, Noah Adams, and Emily Adams came by this afternoon and provided me with an awesome service. I've been struggling with my front plant bed and they came over and weeded it for me. Thank you guys. It looks so great!

A little spooked, but o.k.

2009-03-25T21:27:00.002-05:00

Last year I fell twice within six months of each other. Both times, broke bones and wound up in the hospital with sepsis. Not quite sure why, but the thought was that possibly one of my cysts on my kidneys had ruptured with the fall. When I fell on Saturday, I was just relieved that I hadn't broken any bones and thought nothing else of it.

This morning at dialysis my temp was normal, but about 6 tonight I started with a rising temp. I thought "here we go again."

Thankfully, my temp just broke. I'm not sure why I ran one, just glad I'm not over at Baylor tonight in the ER.

Other Than Being Totally Sore

2009-03-22T17:26:00.004-05:00

I'm actually doing ok today. Other than the side hem of my skirt splitting half way up my leg during sacrament, I'm doing ok. Other than getting to church without the dog carrier I promised Sister Wisor, I'm doing ok (I ran home after sacrament and got it). Whew. I'm glad I remembered.

Church was good. The Mizraji's spoke in sacrament meeting and did an outstanding job. I enjoyed their message. I realized during their talks they were baptized the same year Steve and I got married. Joseph Butcher spoke also and did an amazing job. I thought what a great missionary he'll be.

Sunday School - I walked in a little late (see dog carrier thing), but Karen did her amazing job. Her lessons are so well done and she brings the Spirit into the room every time she speaks. Her lesson was on missionary work.

Relief Society - Peggy Burrows did a great job teaching the Joseph Smith lesson on being a peacemaker. Her health is improving and you can see it in the way she teaches. That spark is back.

Got home and walked the dogs, ate lunch. Steve has gone home teaching and I have a few quiet hours to myself.

The plantings from yesterday are still alive . . . yea! I saw this on one of my favorite comics today and thought I would share.

Gardening all day

2009-03-21T20:50:00.003-05:00

Wow - I'm beat and sore. I woke up this morning, walked the dogs, went to Lowe's and WalMart. I was planning to just get a few things and well you know how that goes.

When I got home I started planting. So today, I planted two Indian Hawthornes, a Coreposis, Daisy plant, three strawberry plants, some Rosemary, a flowering vine, transplanted another plant, three hostas, two ferns, and about 18 dianthus. I also put down 4 bags of mulch.

I tripped over the edging at one point and fell straight forward and landed on my hands and knees. I will admit to be a little more than scared. For those of you who know me well, you know how I panicked. With my kidneys, my bones are not the best and in the past, I would have broken both wrists. Having already done that and with metal plates in both wrists, I was protected. Thank you Heavenly Father.

Wow ... I'm beat. Took my shower and feel much better.

Gardening

2009-03-20T15:34:00.003-05:00

Got home today and took the pups for their daily walk. When I got home I headed straight for the backyard and started pulling weeds. Two hours later, two bags full of weeds, and I was exhausted. My feet looked like they'd never seen water.

I came in did some indexing and then climbed into the shower. Squeaky clean now just so I'll be ready to start yardwork again tomorrow. Its ok. I love my showers.

We're going to try building a raised bed for the vegetables this year. I hope it eliminates some of the weeds and allow for more drainage for the plants to grow in.

Sometimes the Greatest Things We Do Are Within the Walls of Our Own Homes

2009-03-18T14:26:00.003-05:00

When you understand, without equivocation, that you were chosen and reserved for now, and when you live in harmony with that mission and with the promises you made premortally, you'll be happier than you have ever been before. Sheri Dew

Watch more cool animation and creative cartoons at aniBoom

I ran across the clocktower video and it reminded me of something I had read by Sister Dew earlier this morning. I know there are times I live beneath my blessings, but I know who I am and that knowledge always pulls me back into line and helps me to refocus on those things most important.

Yesterday was a good day - I worked in the backyard and Steve and I had a date night last night. We haven't had one in a long time. When he asked if we could go out my first thought was, we can't afford this, and then my second thought, we can't afford not to do this.

Onward and upward.

New church video - Its great

2009-03-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T09:00:00.002-05:00

As I've worked on my genealogy I have found my roots on my Dad's side are really Irish a few generations back. So today, I'll be wearing green.

Yesterday wasn't too good of a day and I didn't accomplish anything but cleaning the kitchen and taking the dogs for a walk.

Today will be better. Lots of cleaning to be done and yard work.

I am so impressed with the young mothers and fathers in my ward. When I was raising my two, the only real interaction they had with their father was in sports. So its fun seeing Dad's hold their children and helping their wives with them. The mothers are more educated than I was and most of my counterparts at that time. What a blessing they are to their children.

Things are starting to come back that I had planted in my planting beds last year. This thrills me. To me its alot like the resurrection. They've rested under the ground for a season and then start to come back in the spring. I've been pulling weeds a little at a time and yesterday I just over did it. Today I'm going to try and take care of it earlier before it gets too hot.

Klarise Richmond came by this morning to tune my piano.

Off to busyness.

Another really great day

2009-03-15T20:48:00.003-05:00

I woke up at a decent time this morning and turned on BYU TV and watched a devotional with Elder Wirthlin on it. Dozed back off and woke up an hour later.

Church was really good. Christensen's did a great job in sacrament and I thought Jessica looked absolutely stunning with that pink top and red hair of hers. Don't you think so too?

Karen did great in Sunday school and left us all with alot of thought in her lesson and me thinking more of my relationship with Steve. Relief Society was great. I love Barbara's lessons and gave me thought as well on where I spend my time.

This evening we went over to Steve and Holli's for dinner. We had lasagna and french bread and dessert. We also had really good company. I love spending time with them. She has created a beautiful home for the two of them.

I'm tired and think I will go to bed.

Survival

2009-03-14T22:05:00.006-05:00

My sister and I spoke this evening following a cute message left on my voicemail from her grandson, Aiden. The message started off with lots of whispering and then this cute little voice "I love you aunt Dianne". Melted my heart, so I called her back.

We got into a discussion. I told her I'd posted my picture on dialysis. She said I should take it off, that its not who I am. She's right. I am a woman who has survived alot. My first marriage was rough - but I came out of it with two exceptional children and a third when my son got married.

I remarried and have been blessed by this marriage for 16 years.

I have survived an incredible number of medical problems. Financial problems. These things aren't who I am, they have helped create who I am. I feel blessed for moving beyond them and being a better person because of them.

I was blessed to work in the temple for nearly 15 years.

The Lord has watched over me through all of my trials and challenges. I know he knows me and loves me. I can't ask for better than that.

Anyway, enough of that.

Cheri's wedding reception was tonight. Sadly I fell asleep around 5 and didn't wake up until 7. I climbed in the shower and hurried Steve up. We had spent the day cleaning out the garage and his truck was loaded with things to haul to the dump on Monday. I had decided to head on over to the chapel while he was cleaning up and walked out into the garage and saw his truckbed loaded and realized if I didn't wait on him, he'd be there long after it was over. I got there just as Cheri was leaving. Sigh.

I saw this Glen Beck video this evening on the amount of money the government is printing and the devaluation of the dollar and put it her to be seen. Incredible.

Farewells

2009-03-13T16:35:00.007-05:00

Me on my machine. I don't normally look so wiped out. It was about 7:00 a.m. and I'd been on the machine for about 15 minutes.

When I first started in dialysis the nurse on the staff at Davita really watched over me and helped me feel safe when I started dialyzing. They are opening a new Davita center on the west side of town and she is going to be the facility manager there. I am sad to see her go, but I know she will be a blessing to others in the facility there.

I've decided to add pictures of the staff and my machine today.
This is Terri. She's the one changing centers and will really be missed.

This is Tomika. She will be staying at the center (whew! I couldn't handle more change).

Once the center is up and running on the other side of town many of those who started will be transferring there. I understand our center has a waiting list. Its a good thing my name got in before now.

On another note, I was really charged yesterday when I was able to figure out how to make my blog a three column blog. So its a little different than before.

Why Mormons Build Temples

2009-03-12T13:36:00.006-05:00

While I was at the temple this morning, an email came from Salt Lake saying the church had put out a video on youtube concerning why we build temples.

I've included the youtube link for it below.

It was a good morning and a quiet afternoon. We were busy printing and cutting family file cards and taking prayer roll names this morning.

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I am getting so old . . .

2009-03-11T22:56:00.006-05:00

I was on Facebook this evening and found a posting for my old high school. I found a guy who was the brother to two guys I used to hang out with from church. I sent him a message. He confirmed me and I got to see pics of his family. Wow, alot changes in forty years. Did I say 40 . . . ouch! They have great looking families.
Its hard to believe how quick time flies.